Dark and Powerful Delights
by lickANDpromise
Summary: Lilith&Sam are dead, the apocalypse looms and their world is in shambles. How will Cass deal w/ a coping Dean? How far will the 2 of them go to save Sam from his fate and what will they find along the way? What will the 2 do when a new monster arises more terrifying than the rest? A monster that poses the question: do we save it or kill it? DESTIEL&WINCEST! GRAPHIC! MATURE CONTENT!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- Hello again, ya'll! For newcomers let me take this moment to say, this is a continuation to my first story, Power, Pride and Pleasure. If you liked what you read in the description, you might want to go back and read part one, or else you might be a little confused as my story varies greatly from the show. For any of you returning, thank you for your ever vigilant dedication to my story! Welcome to part two! Without further ado, I give you the first chapter! Enjoy!**

 **Castiel's POV**

Sam's scream echoed around the bare, concrete room, mournful and pained, making my heart seize. A blinding reddish-purple light was emanating from him, growing more intense and gaining in radius. I rushed over to where Dean's body had fallen, pulling him into my arms. What was once Ruby was a mess of melted flesh, blood and gore, bone decorating the floor where she had fallen in glistening bits of pinkened pearl, much like an obscene glitter. Sam stopped screaming, the silence almost worse, and the hum of energy flowing through the room thickened, making it impossible to breathe. I took Dean and flew, popping up at the rendezvous spot about ten miles away. I heard Jo before I saw her, panic ringing clearly in her plaintive cry as I moved toward the small group. I placed Dean gently on the grass, kneeling next to him and frantically felt for a pulse. I sighed and my head fell to hang loosely between my shoulder blades.

"What happened to him? Cass, what happened!" Her voice was rising as she ran her hands over Dean searching for a wound. "I- I can't find a wound! Is he okay? Cass? Is he alive?" I lifted my head up with a smile.

"He will be just fine." I said before Placing my fingers against his forehead.

I both felt and heard the twisted bones in his neck re-knit. His eyes flew open as he took a screaming inhale in and sat bolt upright, searching around him as if looking for something or someone. I knew who he was looking for. We all flinched when we heard a huge explosion behind us. The birds in the trees in the park around us filled the sky in a rampage of feathers and fearful squawks, fleeing the opposite direction from the convent. The ground rumbled beneath us as if it were tempted to fall out from under our feet. I felt the vibrations of the explosion rumble through my body like I was a tuning fork, my ears rang and then a profound silence wrapped around this part of the world so that I could only hear the rapid breathing of my companions.

"GET DOWN!" I yelled, throwing myself on top of Dean a second before the aftershock of the explosion swept over us.

I'm not sure who'd had the time to get down but the shock wave raked over me, blowing my coat and shirt up, exposing the bare flesh of my back. I hissed as the force of it burned across my skin and my head connected with the ground hard enough to rattle my teeth. I dug my hands into the dirt but felt my lower half lift off the ground. Dean's arms wrapped around my shoulders his legs locking around my waist, pulling me closer, in a moment of near intimacy that would haunt me in later days, as he buried his face in my chest. Then it was over. I gently, almost reluctantly pulled free of Dean and jumped to my feet, surveying the damage. Ellen, Jo, Bobby and Rufus were about twenty yards back. I ran to them as they were all crowding around Rufus who had been unfortunate enough to collide with a tree. Bobby's arm was broken from impact with the side of a stone bench not too far off to the right of the group. Ellen had a gash on her forehead. Jo had only sustained minor scrapes and a significant amount of grass and dirt stains. I healed them one at a time. As I was healing Ellen Dean came forward.

"What happened? Where is Sam?" I winced in time with Ellen then turned around to look at him then back at the faces of the people behind me.

They all seemed to be waiting for an answer. I opened my mouth to explain when a beam of brilliant white-blue light speared into the heavens, illuminating the destruction of the blast before us. A minor rumble accompanied by a subsonic ringing swept through the atmosphere. We stopped to stare and when it was over almost thirty seconds later a brief silence fell over the lot of us.

"You better get to explaining, Cass!" Jo exclaimed, whirling to point her finger at me.

"Lilith is dead." A thick silence fell over the crowd. "That was the final seal breaking on Lucifer's cage."

" _That_?" Bobby gestured vaguely in the direction of the church. "That blue beam of light we just saw? _That_ was the seal breaking? Not the explosion that just rocked us and destroyed a huge chunk of the city?" I nodded my head.

"Then what the hell was the explosion from? Did you plant a bomb in the church or something?" Ellen's voice was thick with agitation.

"I have a better question." I looked at Dean, knowing what he was going to ask and wishing he wouldn't. "Where is Sam?" I just stared for a few moments. Dean stepped forward so that he was standing only a few feet back. "Where is my brother, Cass?" His voice quivered with the edge of tears and I could almost feel everyone holding their breath.

"I don't think he meant to, Dean. From what I saw he waged war against himself."

"Meant? Waged?" He stared unblinkingly at me. He hadn't missed the past tense and I knew that he already knew what I was going to say but he needed to hear it. I saw the world through a shimmering wall of tears.

"What is the last thing you remember, Dean?" He swallowed a few times before answering.

"Lilith using her demon hoodoo to throw Sam across the room and pull me to her. Her forcing me to my knees in front of her." He took a breath in. "I remember staring at Sam as Lilith broke my neck." I nodded.

"After your body hit the ground Sam-" I searched for the words I wanted, "He- Sam lost control. He... went nuclear?" I was unsure of my terminology but from the look of dismay on Dean's face I knew my vernacular had been right. "Lilith...Ruby, both died. I saw what was left of them before I grabbed you and got out."

"And Sam? Did he make it out?" He squeezed his eyes shut, tears slipping free. "Please. Please tell me he made it out." He was quiet for a moment and I watched his fists shake at his sides, his bottom lip slightly trembling. "Please." His voice was nothing but a whisper. I didn't want to say it but he was going to make me.

"No, Dean. Sam didn't make it out." I had to swallow down my own emotions and even then my next words came out as a whisper. "He died...Sam is dead. He's dead." I took a few calm, steadying breaths. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, Dean!"

My voice cracked slightly on the last few words and I looked down at the ground as a mournful silence settled over the group. I heard someone crying. There would be no body to burn this time to help them move on. Sam couldn't receive the funeral he deserved, nor Dean the closure he needed. I moved my head to follow Dean as he walked through the group and continued walking. He stopped about forty yards away and just fell to the ground, folding his legs Indian style. I couldn't look at Dean so instead I watched the hearts break of the hunters before me. Ellen held a sobbing Bobby, his face buried in the hair at her neck. His heart wrenching sobs speared through me making me realize I had been crying for some time now. Jo and Rufus stood stock still watching Ellen and Bobby, tears running silently down their faces. Dean stood suddenly and came to stand before me, determination written in the hard lines of his face. His face was free of any signs of tears, as if he simply couldn't bring himself to cry just yet.

"We are going to save Sam. Do you hear me? I will not leave him to rot." His voice was hard but his eyes flinched a little at the scene before him. Bobby was like a father to Dean so I knew how badly this must hurt him on top of everything. "Get us back to Bobby's house. We have work to do."

 **··········**

 **Two months later**

I sighed deeply as I walked to the refrigerator, pulling it open to grab a beer. I stared dismally down at the drink, almost wishing the answers Dean was seeking were at the bottom of the bottle. I hear the sounds of what I had come to know as a screw gun and the thud, thud, thud of a hammer. The rest of us had busied ourselves with cleaning up the mess of the giant battle we had fought here. The house was mostly whole again, minus the windows, which were still boarded up. We had decided against calling in a contractor to install new windows until we stopped finding bits of human and demon here and there, which seemed to hide in the oddest of places. I turned around and walked back into the study to see Dean where I left him, surrounded by mountains of books, Bobby's desk covered in ancient looking tomes open to seemingly random pages.

"Here." I said, holding out the open beer in my hand.

Dean reached up and accepted it without looking away from the book he was thumbing through. I stood there staring at him. His eyes were surrounded by dark, sleepless circles. His hair was the longest I'd ever seen it, oily from his fingers running through it too much and not enough showering. Over the last two months Dean had lost weight, a lot of it. If I could pull him away from his research long enough to get some food and drink, water not beer, in him and maybe a shower, if I was lucky, it was a good day. His collarbones protruded creating a shallow cavern in the flesh on both sides of it and my stomach did that twisting thing that made me feel slightly sick.

"Dean." He didn't even look up, I doubt he even knew I had been standing there. "You need to eat." Again I was met with silence.

The first few weeks after Sam all of us had been part of Dean's relentless search for a way to save his brother. It had worn everyone down and filled there eyes with a hollow look similar to that of a soldiers who had accepted defeat, death. I was the one who had gotten them to redirect their focus to fixing up the house and grounds. Dean's antics had kept all of us from mourning properly. He always kept presenting us with plans half baked enough to give us hope then break our hearts all over again when they failed. I was not exempt from this. I wasn't sure how many more failures everyone could take.

"If I make you some food, will you eat it?" No response.

My eyes stung with tears of helplessness. I turned around and went to the kitchen. Five minutes later I placed a plate before him with a sandwich, with everything I knew he liked on it, chips, some pasta salad Ellen had made the day before and a pickle. I had laid the plate right on top of the book he was looking through, fingers still gripping the plate.

"Please. Eat, Dean."

He was sitting stock still, tension singing through him, staring at the plate as if he could see through it to the book underneath. I let go of the plate and stood up straight, watching him do what he had done every time someone had brought him food. He picked the plate up and sat it on top of a stack of books on the corner of the desk. I closed my eyes and sighed, turning away and walking out of the house. I usually sat with him poring over the thousands of years of knowledge in Bobby's library. Someone had to. I didn't know what Dean would do if he ever thought that we had abandoned him. I spent the next three hours fixing a section of fence five cars lengths long. I had been getting better at the "handy man stuff" as Jo called it. Bobby called to me over a few rows of cars.

"Cass, why don't you join us? Ellen went to pick up some pizza." I nodded and waited for him, Rufus and Jo to disappear into the maze of cars.

I went back to staring at the fence I had just mended. It looked good. All I had left to do was paint it. I threw the hammer in my hand at the fence, embedding it in the wood. I stared at it for a second or two more before I raised my hand and waved it at the fence sending all my careful work splintering in an arc of wood nails and screws. As it all finished falling to the ground, looking as if something had driven through the fence I smiled. I undid the section of the fence I had mended two days before as well with a smile. I had been slowly undoing some things or creating more things that had to be mended around here. I had to provide them all with something to keep them distracted until Dean gave up this fight and mourned Sam the way he needed to. I walked back to the house and heard light conversation coming from the kitchen. Ellen's car was in the driveway so it was safe to assume she was back with pizza and probably soda or beer. I stopped in the doorway to the study, seeing Dean still sitting at the desk, the plate of food I had given him before I went to work on the fence still sitting where he had put it, untouched. I felt rage spark through me and fought to keep it under control. Dean didn't seem to notice me standing there or the light talk of his friends and companions in the kitchen. I felt eyes on me and briefly glanced at Ellen who was watching me, sipping the soda in her hand. I looked back at Dean to see him lifting a beer to his lips, the condensation running down the side of it told me it was relatively new and looking to the floor to his right showed me in the three hours I had been outside he had put away almost two dozen beers. I snapped. I was in front of Dean in a blink, the beer still at his lips. I snatched the bottle away from him, closed my fingers around it and smashed it on the open pages of the book he had been looking through. This was enough to startle him into action. I could have moved but I didn't. I stayed where I was, leaned over the desk, one palm pushed into the broken glass of the bottle, the other flat on yet another open book. I stood there as Dean drew the knife at his belt and pushed the point of it into my flesh. I felt the first hot trickle of blood on my neck. I let my rage and concern fill my eyes as I stared into the pure rage, almost hatred shining out of his eyes. The hatred baffled me for a moment.

"Eat." I said.

He leaned in to me a little, digging the point of the knife in a bit more. If he was expecting a reaction he didn't get it. A thin beam of light escaped the small wound he had made in my throat. During one of his kamikaze missions to save Sam, where we had figured out that the angels wanted Dean to be a vessel for the archangel Michael, I had given him an angel blade so that he could defend himself from angel or demon. Now that very blade was pressed into my flesh. He could very well kill me, but I would not move.

"I'm a bit _busy_." He growled into my face from inches away.

"Cass, back away and leave him alone." Ellen stood off to the right so I could see her out of my peripherals. It was then that I realized everything had fallen silent. Everyone was watching us. I never looked away from Dean.

"I used to pray that we could find a way, any way, to raise Sam from perdition. Now I pray to God that he give you the strength to give up." Dean's eyes flinched a little but the rest of him stood stock still. Then the point dug in a bit more and what had been a thin trickling of blood thickened, flowed faster, the light grew a little brighter.

"In little under a month Sam will have been in hell for as long as I was there." More pressure on the blade as he leaned in to where he was only one hard breath away from touching me. "I will _never_ give up on him. _Never!_ " I took a deep breath past the now sharp pain of the knife.

"You need to let him go and properly mourn him. You are killing yourself, Dean."

"I DON'T CARE!"

I flinched a little at those harsh words, screamed in my face from an inch away. Then my rage spiked and tears broke free to trail down my face. I was the one who leaned into the blade at my throat, pushing it in to where a little more pressure would sever something critical. I saw a brief, almost nonexistent flash of panic in Dean's eyes, that if I had blinked I would have missed, as he glanced down at the blade before I was too close to look at him, but he didn't move the blade. The side of my mouth brushed against his as I spoke.

"You don't care? You don't care!" My laugh sounded like if it could brush against your skin it would feel like a steel sponge, and I felt him shiver a little. "Do you care that you are killing us, all of us one day, one failure at a time. Do you care that every day we have to carry on like we aren't watching you die kills a little piece of us. Do you care that we can't mourn Sam because you won't let us?" I felt the wetness of his tears and pulled away so fast that the blade sliced a shallow cut along the surface of my skin. Dean flinched and looked down at the blade in his hand. I stood in front of the desk, watching Dean, tracking the misery in his eyes, the tears running down his face.

"I can't give him up. I don't know how, and that you could ask me to shows me that I don't need you." My heart seized for a few moments and tears stung at my eyes before a liquid hot rage rolled through me.

"YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO LOST SAM!" Dean stumbled back at the almost roar of anger. I remembered watching Sam fight against himself, the way his magic tore him apart. The ghost of his screams crept along my skin, haunting me. "We all lost him, Dean! You won't let us heal. _You_ won't heal and we are haunted daily by the fact that you are going to die too if you can't let him go!" Tears poured down my face. And my next words came out choked with pain. "I don't know if we will be able to handle losing you." I shook my head, "We lost Ash. We lost Sam. We cannot lose you too...we won't survive." That last we sounded more like an I to me, but I wouldn't take it back. Dean was just staring at me now, anguish written across his face. Dean let out a small sob before turning around and making to leave the room. He stopped in the doorway and turned his head enough that I could see the side of his face, gleaming with tears.

"You should have saved Sam. He is the one who matters." He swallowed hard a coupled times. "You should have saved him...or left me there to die with him." His voice sounded hollow. He turned to face the hallway and his next words broke whatever was left of my heart. "I _WILL_ save Sam. No one will stop me. So, the next time you find your way beneath my blade will be the last." Then he disappeared around the corner. I stood there, staring after him with my broken heart pouring out of my eyes. I felt like the tears simply couldn't come fast enough to vent my pain. I jumped as I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder. I turned my head to see Ellen standing next to me with Jo right behind her. Jo's eyes were wide as she stared at me, as if were she to blink she would cry.

"Come on, love. Lets get you cleaned up."

I looked down to see my shirt soaked with blood and a small pool of blood on the floor at my feet as blood dripped from my hand onto the floor. I nodded and went with the two women into the kitchen. They sat me down at the table and Jo went to dig the first aid kit out from under the sink while Ellen looked my hand over. Bobby and Rufus made it a point to busy themselves with something in the study. Jo stood behind Ellen nervously, watching Ellen pull shards of glass out of my hand. When one piece of glass was imbedded so deep that blood squirted free in an arc onto Ellen's jeans Jo excused herself, looking a little pale. I smiled. A hunter, squeamish around blood. Ellen was bandaging my hand before she finally spoke.

"He didn't mean what he said." I didn't even look at her face when I responded.

"Yes he did."

"He may have meant it now but he'll see. There will come a time when he will remember what we mean to him and then he will regret what he said and do anything to make up for it." She fell silent, her hands stilling until I looked at her. "Words are powerful things. Once said they can never be unsaid. When that time comes It will take the both of you to fix things. He won't be able to mend what he just tore in a moment of grief unless you are willing to forgive him." She must have continued binding my hand at some point, but I hadn't noticed because I couldn't seem to look away from her face. Her fingers drifted across my hand in a final touch before she stood to prop herself on the table in front of me, leaving only a foot or so of space between us. She tipped my head back to look at the wound in my neck then started grabbing supplies to bandage it.

"This is going to need stitches. It'll scar if it doesn't get the attention it needs."

I was going to protest that I didn't need stitches but remembered that the wound was from an angel blade, so I would heal almost human slow. And it would indeed scar if left unattended. Ellen's face was close to mine as she tended to the wound. I felt the sharp pricks of pain as she began stitching my skin back together but strained to stare at her face. She was beautiful, the years of hard living only adding a certain grace, wisdom and intense strength to her features. Her eyes were critical of every detail as if nothing could slip her gaze. I could see why Bobby loved her. It had not slipped my notice how Bobby looked after this woman, trailing her movements, watching out for her in combat to the point of distraction. He loved Ellen, but I knew he would never tell her. Her eyes caught mine then she went back to focusing on her work.

"Do you love him, Cass?" My heart fluttered a little as I searched for an answer. Her fingers froze as she watched my face. "Cass? Do you love him?" She had asked if I loved him not if I was in love with him, though that was what I thought she was asking. I did love Dean. It was how I loved him that I was not familiar with. I wanted to turn my face away so she couldn't watch the emotions run across my face but couldn't due to her attentions on the wound at my throat. A small smile graced the corners of her lips as she went back to tending my wound. She must have gotten the answer she was looking for in my silence because I could almost feel her happiness and sincerity.

"Then you can't give up on him." In that second I thought I heard a slight criticism in her voice. "You never give up on someone you love." Her eyes flicked to mine for a brief moment. Yes, she was criticizing me for my earlier words and I was suddenly very defensive.

"He needs to let go." She shook her head and again her fingers stopped as she leaned a little more solidly into my line of sight.

"If you truly love someone there is no way for you to let them go. It is like cutting a part of yourself away because no matter if they are gone out of your life or dead, they will always be a part of you. You cannot erase memories, Cass. They are what make us who we are." She blinked away the beginnings of tears and I knew she had lost someone she truly loved. "Dean and Sam have been together their entire lives. That's a lot of memories. To let go of Sam would kill him." I was crying again. Crying for Dean, for Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Rufus, for what came with this knowledge, for Ellen's bittersweet wisdom.

"How do we save him?" Because that was the only question that mattered. Her fingers fell still as she smiled down at me. She leaned forward and placed a chaste, motherly kiss on my cheek. When she pulled back her lips shone with a sheen of my tears.

"You stay with him, no matter what. Show him he has something more to live for." I smiled and my eyes slid closed. Ellen's fingers resumed their healing and a hopeful peace settled over us both in the companionable silence.

 **~~~§~~~**

 **Dean's POV**

Two months I had spent looking for a way to save him and I finally found it. I walked further into the salvage yard, everything I needed slung over my shoulder. Regret twinged within my heart as the image of Castiel seared itself into the back of my eyes. I shook my head violently. I needed to stay on task. I looked around surrounded by two vans, a truck that looked like it was ready to just fall apart in a pile of rust and dust, and a Chevy that looked like it could be beautiful with some work, a lot of work. If I crouched down no one would be able to find me. I sank into a crouch and began unloading my bag. I drew the circle with the sigils needed then inlaid the circle with a devil's trap. I got the bowl of sulfur set up and grabbed the knife off my belt and wrapped my fingers around it, squeezing my fist tight then sharply ripping the knife out of my hand. There was no pain to the initial cut so I knew I had sliced too deep, but the ritual called for a lot of blood. I mumbled the Latin chant I had been memorizing all day, lighting the five candles starting at the southern most tip, working around clockwise from there. I lit the last candle as the final syllable left my lips and the flames shot up about seven or so feet then the candles went out. I peeked over the top of the SUV, facing the house as if I could notice if someone saw that. I sank back down, hoping I was still in the clear, waiting for something to happen. Minutes passed by, five then ten and I fell back on my ass in defeat, dropping my head onto my upraised knees. It was supposed to work. I was sure it would work. The slice on my hand began to sting and I thought vaguely that it would need stitches.

"'Ello, Darling! I was expecting your call." I looked up to see a man around six feet tall with dark hair cut close to his head, dark eyes, with five o'clock shadow making his jaw and chin look dark as well in the moonlight. He was impeccably dressed in a suit with a long coat, falling to mid-calf, as if he was cold. "Where in the seven hells are we? Such a dismal place to make such memories, don't you think? Really? This is the first impression you want to leave on me? You've got a lot to learn, love." The man shook his head "The first time should be beautiful." He tsked almost as if he truly cared about the setting. I raised my eyebrows at the quirky demon before me. "Well? Take a picture. I certainly won't look like this forever. Oh wait...yes I will." He laughed a little then put his hands on his hips. "I have a lot to do, princess so if you like to open that trap of yours and spill your wishes, I'll wave my magic wand then go about my day." When I remained silent he rolled his eyes. "Newbies." He looked at me and leaned forward, placing his hands on his knees, a stupid grin stretching his mouth. "This is the part where you say what you want and I see you in ten years." He spoke in that voice most reserved for small animals and babies. I frowned.

"Who are you?" The demon rolled his eyes again.

"Ah, Hell. Call me back in a few years when you've figured everything out and we can try this again, 'kay bunny?" He gave me a lazy, mock salute then a few seconds later his face crashed into angry yet intrigued lines.

"Who are you?" My voice was flat with everything but a threat. I knew what I wanted and I was going to get it. The demon eyed me up then rotated in a circle looking at what was trapping him. He huffed a huge sigh then locked eyes with me.

"Crowley, King of hell, at your service." I smiled as the man gave a rather graceful though mocking bow with an uneasy grin. I was going to get Sam one way or another.

 **A/N- Hello all! So here is the first chapter of the second part to my story. I hope you all enjoyed this one. I am sorry it took so long to get this to you but here it is. I should have the next chapter to you as soon as possible. Thank you to all of those who returned for this story!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Long time no read! Sorry about that folks. I'm going to stop giving you guys excuses because I'm sure you simply don't care. So without further ado, here is the next chapter! Have fun, enjoy and please remember to review. Feedback keeps inspiration alive.**

 **~~~§~~~**

 **Dean's POV**

It had worked! The king of Hell was standing here before me and I had him trapped.

"Well get on with it, Winchester. I really do have more important things to do." I cocked my head to the side.

"And what does the king of Hell do exactly?" Crowley scoffed and then laughed.

"What? You think Hell just runs itself?" He laughed a deep belly laugh. "As if, mate!" I just stared at him and he rolled his eyes. "If you really need a philosophy lesson, I guess I have no choice but to give it to you." He looked disdainfully down at the circle he was standing in. "Hell is where all the baddies go. A place of evil. According to most, evil equates to chaos. Do you know how hard it is to maintain order and control over such anarchy?" I raised my eyebrows and rubbed my thumb and forefinger together which earned me another eye roll from Crowley.

"Yes, yes, the worlds smallest violin no doubt playing a fucked up version of that horrible Justin Timberlake song." He waved at me in a shooing motion then bobbled his head a little as he continued talking, almost absently. "Still can't believe the things people sell their soul for." He shook his head. "Did you know that Timberlake used to be a two-bit, wannabe dancer. No one wanted him because people with his dancing skills are a dime a dozen in this day and age. Even that pretty, pretty face of his couldn't buy him fame. Sold his soul for a billion dollar voice and sounds like a girl only a couple of years more mature than Justin Bieber." He shivered a little then gently grabbed the lapels of his jacket and adjusted it. "Another one who sold his soul for what you people call talent. If it weren't for my like, no talent, anal beads like Miley Cyrus would never have a chance at taking their place as boils on the butt of humanity." He shrugged. "I guess everyone has a purpose though." He looked at me with a comical smile. "Miley actually had some potential. She started off innocently enough if you ignore the fact that she rode the coattails of her fathers fame to get some recognition. Then she rode that wrecking ball right into her career." He sucked his teeth and shook his head. "Should have stuck to acting. Some people are just never satisfied. The media frenzy when she just disappears in two years will be fearsome." His face crashed down into aggravated lines. "The damned aliens will take credit for it,just like they did with Elvis. Now that man had talent."

I shook my head vehemently and held my hands out to stop his tirade. Who put this guy on the throne of hell?

"Crowley!" I said, cutting him off mid-sentence. He looked at me as if he'd forgotten I was there. "I don't give a fuck who sells their soul to you guys for what, especially two bit stars."

"Rude much?" He said with a scowl. I nodded.

"Yes. But I don't care."

"And what if I told you that I didn't care about what you wanted." Crowley's voice was flat, face blank minus one raised eyebrow.

A sliver of panic shot through me. Okay. He is a testy demon. I looked down at the circle I had constructed.

"You have no choice." He smiled wickedly.

"Are you always so naive? You set our little date up under the stars, how cute. But eventually it will rain. And when I am free I will tear you apart limb from limb and feed you to my bitches." I pointed to the circle.

"The circle is of paint, salt and blood. It won't fade that easily." He frowned slightly then straightened his face out. I smiled.

"Clever, squirrel. Very clever. But I wouldn't underestimate me, nor piss me off, were I you." His voice was icy so I left it alone. He might be my only option. I wouldn't push too much for now. "What do you want, Dean?" I swallowed.

"My brother." Crowley just stared at me, face painfully stoic. "I will give you anything for him." He stared at me in silence for a few minutes too long and panic set in, partially closing my throat.

"No." One word, spoken with no inflection. I opened my mouth to speak then closed it multiple times, like a fish out of water gasping for air.

"I'll give myself over to you now, take his place. Anything. I'll do anything! I don't need a year, I'll go now, right now. Just swear that you will bring him back." Crowley's face never changed nor his voice.

"No. I don't want you." I actually stumbled getting to my feet, terror like ice in my veins.

"You are a demon. Souls are what demons want. Take it in exchange for Sam."

"Your soul holds no value to me so you have nothing to offer."

"I am the archangel Michael's vessel." Crowley's eyes bugged. "Does my soul have value to you now?" The challenge was clear in my voice. He seemed to be thinking hard about it.

"No." He said finally. I felt my face pull into a deep frown.

"Why?"

"Tell me, squirrel. What would you offer me to see your brother alive again?"

"Anything! Everything!"

"Anything?" I nodded. "Even the souls of your friends? All of them? Ellen. Jo. Bobby. Rufus. Everyone you have ever loved and cherished."

I found my eyes searching around for an answer. Any answer that wasn't as damning as the one in my heart. I loved them. But did I love them enough to hold their lives above Sam's. This might be the only offer I would get. Could I live with myself? Crowley's cold, harsh laugh snapped my eyes to lock on him.

"You would offer what is not yours to give and have given me the world on a silver platter. For one..." He seemed to be searching for the right word then finished, "-man." He bent over laughing, arms crossed over his stomach.

"I never said anything." He stood and wiped tears from under his eyes, face going startlingly blank.

"Not with your lips, but your eyes told me all I needed to know." My heart beat double time in my chest.

"But I didn't agree to anything." Fear ran through my veins like fine wine with an icy edge.

"No. But were I to offer you the same deal again and mean it I would wager my favorite hound you would not say no." I felt tears fill my eyes and I looked at the ground. He made some noise, that kind of sounded like disgust and when I looked at him I saw rage on his face.

"Be very grateful that I am saying no."

"What? Why?" He glared at me and if looks could kill I would be splintered in small meaty bits in a colorful pattern across the ground.

"I, unlike you, Dean Winchester, have honor. I will not allow you to get something you want by giving what is not yours to give."

"But you asked and I never answered." He glared at me.

"Even I won't associate with men like you." I sputtered then rage consumed me.

"You are a demon! Do your fucking job or stay trapped until the fucking sun explodes!" Crowley stepped up to the edge of the circle.

"I am the king of Hell! And this is me telling you to fuck off!"

He slammed his hands forward against the usually invisible barrier the circle formed. Where his hands hit a shock-wave of colors began spreading, like the rainbow of colors that gleams around bubbles. The ground beneath my feet shook, knocking me back so that I had to catch myself against the side of the SUV. The earth split until the circle containing Crowley was bisected. He shrugged his jacket into a more comfortable position. He calmly stepped out of the circle with a slight smile on his lips as the last tremors faded.

"Now. Dean Winchester. As before, my people will remain to be instructed to avoid you. No one will answer your call." His eyes locked onto mine and I swear the cold of his stare made my eyes sting. "Blow up my inbox if you wish, but I will not answer your call. There is no spell or ritual you could conjure up that could ever force me to come to you again." He smiled then. "Your brother is dead and if you push me too much, Dean, you and everyone else you care for will be too. Get over it you whiny little piss-ant!" With that he disappeared.

 **~~~§~~~**

 **Castiel's POV**

I stood from my position behind the SUV. I had heard the entire conversation, watched Dean make preparations for the summoning. Now as I walked towards him, stopping barely three feet from him I wondered. What had his face betrayed to Crowley that I had not heard in his words? Dean stood still, wobbling slightly, staring at the split circle and my heart seized at the painful resignation on his face. I knew he couldn't see me as I was an angel and until we wished to be seen we wouldn't be. I dared not show myself to him. He had meant to do this in secret, going so far as to sneak out of his window. I had found him missing when I went to apologize for acting as I had earlier. Now I didn't know how to feel about the man before me. I knew how my heart felt, but that was just one part of me.

" _You would offer that which is not yours to give."_ What had he meant. Had Dean really contemplated giving everyone else up, all of us? Me? For Sam. A choked sob, abruptly cut off made me look up. Dean's head sagged low on his neck, hand shoved against his mouth, fingers digging in painfully on his cheeks. I began reaching out to him then stopped and let my arm fall back to my side. He stood there crying silently, shoulders shaking with each sob he fought off. I watched him until he turned on his heel and trudged in defeat back to the house. Long after he was gone I stared after him, wondering what to do, how to feel.

"Pathetic isn't it?"

My whole body tensed at once until it felt like my muscles were steel cables and I would be unable to move. I turned, slowly to face a middle aged man with short blond hair and light stubble gracing his cheeks up to the soft arc of his cheek bones. Soft blue eyes shone compassionately at me, but I was not fooled. A brilliant smile spread across the thin, pale pink width of those lips.

"Hello brother." I dipped my head in acknowledgment. I wished I didn't have to claim kinship to him, but it was the truth.

"Brother." He cocked his head to the side.

"So formal, Castiel. Why so crisp when I just saw how mushy you can be." He glanced at the house where Dean had disappeared. "Being among the humans has changed you so much, little brother." He looked back at me with a knowing look. "There is a war coming, brother."

"Has been since the beginning." He nodded.

"You know this. I know this. You know you will have to choose a side." I nodded. "Who will you stand with?" I stared at him but did not answer. "Will you stand with Michael? Or me?" When I still did not answer he smiled. "There is no neutral ground to stand on. This chess game of black vs. white has been going on for time immemorial and now the final pieces are being moved into play. You must pick a side. Even if you try to stand neutral you and yours will be mowed over as collateral damage. No one, nothing will be spared when the final battle plays out."

I looked down at the ground beneath my feet then off to the house where Rufus, Jo, Bobby, Ellen and Dean were. They had all sacrificed so much. They had all given husbands, wives, children, friends, lovers, mothers, fathers. They had sacrificed everything for their fight, their belief in humanity and life, even among so much death. They were all they had left, yet still they sacrificed it all to save a handful at a time. I looked back at the man in front of me to see him looking at the house as well.

"You cannot save them, Castiel. The Winchester boy is meant to be my opponent in this war. It has been predestined, so will it be." I shook my head.

"You were the one who invented the evils that I have watched humanity fight. They have been fighting you since this began." I smiled. "I know Dean well enough to know he will not be a pawn in this fight, not as you think he will." His face was stoic.

"Pawns are so easily taken. The soldiers on the front line. Willing sacrifices for the greater cause." I nodded.

"In most cases." I locked eyes with him. "But a pawn can topple a queen as easily as a knight or rook."

"One lone pawn against the might of so many? So much power?" I shook my head.

"It will not be just one."

"You would choose to stand against Michael? Me? And the tides of the fates? For the Winchester boy?" I stared at the house with a small smile on my face. A smile that was more certain than anything else. I looked back.

"Yes." Lucifer stared at me with a calculating look. Then he smiled a most friendly smile that I found unsettling.

"You are not so very unlike myself Castiel. Were I you I would keep my story as a precautionary tale at the back of your mind. Remember what happens to rebels, brother." I shook my head, smile growing which made him frown. "You cannot change everything in the hopes of winning for your Winchester."

"No, that is where you are wrong. _You_ cannot win, Lucifer." I smiled wider and looked at the house again. "Your true vessel is dead. I watched it happen. You will never be at your full strength to stand against Michael." I looked back at him with that almost sadistic grin stretching my lips. "Though neither will Michael. Neither of you will be at full power and even if we can't change everything, we have quite a jump on the both of you already." His face was blank, angry lines at the corners of his mouth and eyes.

"The angels want this fight. It will not just be Michael and myself you will have to stand against."

"I know."

"Are you ready for such a challenge, Castiel?"

"Is anyone ever ready when war stands on their doorstep?" He nodded his head.

"The might of heaven and hell, the will of the fates, War, Famine, Pestilence and Death. How you think to stand against it all baffles me." I just looked at him and as his eyes roved over me landing last on my eyes I knew he was weighing me, my competence, strength, will. He finally offered me a small smile and nodded. "I appreciate a challenge, and those who choose to stand against one. You stand against many, brother. I do not know if you are as worthy an adversary as your words make you seem just yet. But I do wish you luck in your foolish ventures." I dipped my head in acknowledgment and waited either for him to continue or take his leave. He smiled.

"What? You will not wish me luck, little brother?"

I had the niggling sense that I was being rude to deny him that which he gave me so I did give him something. I stepped forward until I could pull him into my arms. This seemed to shock him. I would not wish him luck because I wanted us to win. But I had been around humans for a while now and something about their presence, their beliefs and the intensity of them that had changed something in me. I did not really know Lucifer, just the stories, legends of what he had done, prophecies surrounding him of what would be, but not the Angel himself. I did know that he is my brother. I regretted that and that knowing nothing about him I still stood against him. I was going to stand against not one, but two of my brothers, the strongest of us. I was in fact more like him than I'd ever thought. I, like him, was rebelling for what I believed in. Michael fought for good (the corrupt version the angels believed in, that I was no longer certain was good). Lucifer fought for evil. I would fight for the humans, a mix of good and evil that made them frightening and beautiful. I had chosen to make my own path. I had chosen to rebel against everything I had ever known as an angel. Lucifer's arms slowly wrapped around me as these thoughts flitted through my head. I pulled back first, catching a brief moment of soft confusion and tenderness. I placed my palm against his cheek.

"I wish we did not have to fight each other. I do not want to fight my family and I am sorry that you will find yourself fighting two brothers, not just one." Lucifer actually looked sad, longing as he lifted his hand to cover mine against his cheek before gently removing my hand from his face and stepping back.

"I wish that as well, little brother." He turned around to leave and I just had to try.

"I love him too." He stopped. "Our father. I love him too." I glanced back at the house holding the humans I was willing to give everything up for. "But I love the humans too. They are not as bad as you think."

"They are flawed."

"Are we not?"

"I will never be able to love them more than our father, he never should have asked that of us." I looked at the back of his head as he spoke and couldn't agree with him because I already did love them more.

"Yes. They are flawed. But so are we. He made everything the way he did for a reason. If you truly love him than you should trust him and accept the things he did as a child does for their parents."

"Do you doubt my love for our father?" I thought hard before I answered.

"No." And I didn't. "I just think you love him too much, like a mother loves her only child." He shook his head.

"No human emotions can compare to mine. I respect that you are rebelling for what you believe in. I did it too. But you are going to die for these... _things._ "

"Yes. If that is what it takes."

He nodded and began to move forward again. I wanted to ask him to reconsider. To tell him that all this could end here if he would just give the humans a chance, that he could love our father and the humans as well. But he was fading with each stride away from me.

"I am sorry, brother."

I'm not sure if he heard the words I called after him because with one final step he was gone. I sighed and began to walk back to the house. I had to get them ready. They needed to be ready. War was coming for them and I wouldn't let them stand alone. When I got to the house I saw Ellen and Bobby sitting on the couch together, very close together, Jo was doing some ridiculous dance with Rufus in the open space in the study. Ellen and Bobby were laughing, bumping casually together with their joy. I would ready them but I wanted them to have their night of joy. I walked in and quietly stood in the doorway to the study smiling, watching Jo and Rufus make a fool of themselves. Ellen suddenly looked up and saw me and her smile dimmed a little. She leaned into Bobby to whisper something in his ear and I watched his eyes slide shut as her side pressed into his chest, her hair brushing his face. He nodded and the moment was gone, face back to being smiling and happy as he pulled back and stood up, walking to the kitchen. She held her hand up and crooked a finger at me. I raised my eyebrow but stood straight from being propped against the doorjamb and walked towards her. She patted the seat Bobby had just vacated beside her with a smile. I smiled a little, taking the offered seat, though there was more room on the other side of her. She nuzzled her shoulder against mine and I smiled more, taking the hint. I lifted my arm and put it around her shoulders, pulling her close so that our bodies touched in a line from her shoulder to our knees. It was a closeness that I was unfamiliar with but had only recently found that I liked. What would have been sexual between her and Bobby was comfortable between us. She leaned her head back against my shoulder as she looked up at me.

"What's wrong, handsome?" I smiled wider, looking down at her. There was something about Ellen that was so very endearing that I didn't want to lie to her. But I did.

"Nothing. I went for a walk to clear my head and my thoughts got the better of me." She ran her eyes over my face as if searching for something and I saw a knowing gleam in her eyes before she looked back at Jo and Rufus, taking a drink of what looked like a soda but I could smell the difference and knew there was some alcohol in it, a decent amount. She nodded.

"It happens to the best of us."

I could hear the alcohol in her words so I knew she'd been drinking for a while. But I also knew that she knew I wasn't telling her everything and I couldn't stand to see her turn from me. Her body was against mine but the comfort and relaxation that had been there a moment before was gone and I already mourned it. I leaned down so that I could speak only to her. She moved to make it easier for me, putting a hand on my thigh so that she could sit up straighter which pushed her body more into mine. My lips brushed her ear as I spoke we were so close, but I did not wish to ruin the mood. They all deserved their bit of happiness.

"In truth I have seen and learned much this night in the time I was outside. I will tell you all tomorrow, I swear. But for tonight it can wait."

I glanced at Rufus and Jo and the smile slid back across my face. I wished I could see this all the time, but it was just not meant to be. I made to lean back down to Ellen but stopped seeing her face inches away. She was staring intently at me. Despite our closeness their was no sexual anything to it. In fact she seemed to be examining me like a really close friend will, almost with that undertone of motherliness.

"I would not steal the smiles that so seldom grace their faces." She smiled a brilliant smile that I had never seen on her face before. It was filled with friendship and love and a mirror of that smile spread on my face but my heart raced. Tomorrow I would tell them what I had learned tonight and we would all live in terror of seeing such smiles die with their owners. I shoved the thought aside and laughed as Ellen threw her arms drunkenly around my neck, splashing some of her drink down my back. She planted a huge, sloppy kiss, that matched the clumsiness of her hug, on my cheek. She settled back in at my side and I looked up to see Bobby staring at us. When his eyes met mine it wasn't an entirely friendly stare. I broke his gaze and leaned down to speak to Ellen.

"You know he loves you, don't you?" Her head snapped in my direction and the smile that had been there a moment before was gone, a look almost like worry filling her eyes. She knew and didn't want anyone else to know. She finally nodded.

"I know. Bobby is a good man and he would never come to me and tell me for the same reasons I won't."

"Why won't you?" She looked at me with a new clarity, something that hadn't been there before.

"We both lost our spouses to this life, Cass." She looked down then at the drink she was swirling in her cup. "I'm not sure I could live through that twice."

I wanted to hold her close to me until the edge of tears in her voice was forever gone. Instead I lifted her face up to look at me with two fingers on her chin. I looked into those big, beautiful brown eyes of hers, swimming with heart break and said what I thought.

"In this life we all live, love is the only thing that keeps us alive." I had never loved like they had but my love for my father had been what had kept me as a soldier in the armies of heaven for so long.

"It is also our greatest weakness and what kills us more effectively than anything else." I thought for a heartbeat.

"Everything has a weakness. Name one hero who didn't have an Achilles heel. You can't. They were stronger than the rest, but never invincible." She smiled a little.

"Achilles heel. Nice." She chuckled a bit but I only offered a small smile and went back to my point.

"Even Gods and Goddesses have their kryptonite. If you have to have a weakness, I can't think of one better than love." Her smile widened. "Humans live finite lives and yours is shorter than most. Do not hold yourselves back from what you truly want when it could all be over tomorrow."

She let out a short, loud tearful laugh. I leaned forward and pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my chest. We stayed like that for a couple minutes and when she pulled back her face shone with happiness, she leaned in and laid a very soft kiss on my cheek. And offered me that amazing smile, only the second of its kind I had seen. Then she surged to her feet with purpose. I grabbed her hand and pulled her back down. She looked at me, slightly confused. I shook my head.

"But you-"

"I know what I said."

"Then why?" I smiled and tucked some hair that had fallen into her face behind her ear.

"Wait for a moment when alcohol is not polluting you so that he knows it is genuine." She stared blankly at me for a moment then offered a small smile.

"You are pretty good at this stuff, cuddles." I knew enough of humans to know that they gave nick names to people for varying reasons and smiled at what she had just dubbed me.

"Cuddles?" I asked with a light laugh and a raised eyebrow. She laughed then shrugged.

"Face it. You are cuddly for an angel." Not with everyone, but I let it stand because with those in my present company I could not find an argument. I just laughed and gave her a quick hug. She grabbed my hand and stood, pulling me to my feet.

"Come on."

"Where are you dragging me to?" I asked, slightly laughing.

"To see if we can pollute you with alcohol." She laughed and I couldn't help but to join her.

 **A/N- Hey guys. Okay so I realized that I really love writing scenes between Cass and Ellen, and I am growing increasingly more fond of writing from Cass's POV. For those of you who don't really like where Dean is at right now, I can assure you that he is going to get better soon, things are about to get simultaneously brighter and darker at the same time. Even I am not entirely fond of where he is right now but I write the characters as they come to me. I hope you all liked this chapter. I will see you soon. Please talk to me, I love hearing from you all.**

 **Special thank you to Kobby76. I really appreciate your never ending support and enthusiasm. Thanks, mate!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Since I left the last chapter off the way I did I have had this scene stuck in my head, so I just couldn't leave it alone. I hope you guys laugh at the beginning the way I did. Warning this is a significantly shorter chapter than what I usually give you all but the last chapter was just posted, so...another chapter, all in Cass's POV.**

 **Castiel's POV**

There were twelve shot glasses sitting in front of me, Ellen sat across the table from me, Bobby stood next to the table filling the shots as I emptied them. Ellen slammed her last shot glass down on the table. We had been going shot for shot in the beginning until she had tapped out and handed off to Jo who had been less intoxicated then her mother...at the time. She had been all cocky ego for about fifteen minutes, slamming shots back. Then Rufus had replaced her followed by Bobby and now we were back to Ellen.

In the beginning there had been twelve shots lined up for both sides, now there was three on Ellen's side. I was clearing two rounds of twelve shots before she would reload. As I finished with the second round of shouts and Began working on the third round Bobby had been pouring one by one, Ellen shook her head with a stupid, intoxicated smile. She held her hand up and out to the side.

"Someone tag me out."

Jo laughed and stumbled over Rufus's extended leg as he sat with his back propped against the doorway. Her palm smacked into her mothers and they did an almost graceful position swap. Ellen stood like she was being pulled by strings and Jo fell into the chair almost as fluidly as the liquor she kept pouring down her throat. I smiled then laughed as she raised her shot glass in a sloppy salute before attempting to drink it down. I laughed as she partially missed her mouth and a part of her drink trailed down her chin from the corner of her lips. I had the urge to lean over and lick the liquid from her face under the rules written in some non-existent rule book that said spilling alcohol was a party-foul. Ellen had informed me of this when Bobby had spilled a shot that had slipped from his fingers as everyone had made a unanimously loud noise that sounded a lot like a chorus of drugged owls. I shook my head a little at that thought and took my own shot. I drank four to her one until I was going on for round two of shots. I was finishing my third round before Jo just dropped back so it looked like her body was draped artfully across the chair she sat in.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" She drawled, head back so it sounded low and throatier than it should have. I watched as she sprang to attention, her long, blonde hair moving in a graceful arc behind her, falling in disarray around her face. She slammed her palms against the table with a stupid grin on her face. "I'm not sure if I envy or hate your alcohol tolerance."

"Hate. Definitely hate." Bobby grumbled as he gazed ruefully down at the almost empty handle of whiskey. Ellen laughed followed by Jo, then everyone was laughing. Bobby poured the rest of the alcohol into my shot glasses and I drained the four left.

"Feel anything yet, terminator?" Rufus asked with a stupid grin from his seat on the floor.

"What am I supposed to be feeling?" Jo threw her hands up into the air. Bobby looked sullenly down at the empty bottle in his hands, shaking his head as he walked over and placed it on the counter. Rufus and Ellen were giggling drunkenly. I couldn't help but to laugh at the picture they painted, faces flushed with a relaxed happiness I had the rare honor of seeing.

"Fuck it." Ellen said standing straight and walking over to the refrigerator.

She reached up and rustled around in a large brown paper bag before pulling out a huge, glass bottle. I knew it was liquor because everything she pulled out of that bag was. She walked over and thumped the bottle down on the table in front of me, rattling the line of shot glasses.

"Ah shit." Rufus grumbled, head dropping between his shoulders, shaking with laughter once again.

The bottle was a gentle green, the glass smooth and thick. I couldn't tell whether it was the bottle that was green or the liquor, until I saw a thin line of clear between the lid and the liquid. It was green. I raised my eyebrow at this. Most people wouldn't touch most things green, at least those made for consumption that weren't of the leafy variety. I picked up the bottle and rotated it in my palm. There was a single label on it. A thin, ethereal fairy, legs curled partially up towards her butt. Her hair and wings were as wispy and elegant as the threads of her dress that curled around her legs. Everything about her was green. Her wide almond shaped eyes, long hair, dress, wings, even her skin was so pale it had a barely noticeable, green undertone. Elegant yet large letters curled above the image of the tiny fairy woman, also green.

"Absinthe?" I looked up to see Ellen leering at me, a devilish smile accompanying her nod. I looked back down at the bottle in my hand. "Sounds like a chemical additive to put in cleaning supplies." Laughter erupted among the small group.

"When you taste it you'll think much the same." Bobby grumbled.

"I know when I had my first taste I instantly thought about slapping one of those Mr. Yuck stickers on it from my childhood." Ellen shrugged at Jo's comment.

"Not the most pleasant tasting of spirits," She looked at Jo teasingly, "But it knocked you on your ass didn't it?" They laughed as Jo nodded. Ellen looked back at me.

"That's all for you, cuddles." I raised my eyebrows looking down skeptically at the bottle in my hands. "A handle of pure, undiluted, 190 proof Absinthe. All for you." She said with a wink. When I just went back to staring at the bottle she leaned over and impatiently twisted the cap off.

"How did you get your hands on that?" Bobby asked.

"I have my connections." Ellen responded without looking away from me and the bottle. The smell of the liquor hit me. It smelled as herbal as the color implied but the overwhelming scent of the alcohol made it almost bitter in a spicy way. I was curious but still hesitant.

"I think he's scared to walk hand in hand with the green fairy." Ellen chuckled out.

"Good lad. She can be like an amazing lover, showing you a good time unmatched by any before. But Abuse her and she'll turn on you." There was an almost serious warning in his words. "You'll find out that gorgeous, amazing honey pot you been dipping your wick in was rife with disease and you'll be itching your nut-sack for the rest of your life whenever you think no one is watching." Jo was hysterical with laughter, tears streaming down her face. Ellen was silently laughing.

"Rufus." Bobby said, almost chidingly.

"What?" He raised his hands in the air in an innocent gesture. "Just saying. Treat her right, boy."

Ellen sat down in front of me, gently moving Jo aside to do so. They were all waiting now, silently watching as I brought the bottle up to my lips. I took a huge mouthful and swallowed it down. It burned more than the whiskey we had been drinking but other than that it wasn't that bad. Less sweet, more herbal. It had an interesting after-taste like I had been chewing on the stem of a flower. Then all I could taste was the liquor.

"Well?" Jo asked with raised eyebrows. I shrugged and took another mouthful.

"It tastes adequate enough, I suppose." There was a brief silence in the room as I took yet another mouthful.

"Wow." Jo mumbled. "Do you feel anything?" I had to think about that then shrugged again.

"He just started drinking it. Give him a few. He'll feel it." Bobby sounded so sure of himself that I found my eyebrows raising again as I took another drink.

A casual conversation bloomed around us, that comfortable, relaxed coziness settling back in. My mind wandered off. I thought of Dean. Of everything I had seen and heard earlier the only thing I could think about was his lips. I came crashing back to reality as Bobby and Rufus made a small ruckus, lightly crashing to the kitchen floor in a tangled heap. I popped to my feet but Ellen gently touched my arm and I realized, yes. They were fine, just wrestling. I sat back down, watching the two older men struggle against each other for dominance. A strangely heavy weight settled in my lower stomach that I recognized as my bladder being full. I looked at the bottle as I raised it to my lips. It was almost empty, less than a fifth of its contents remaining.

I stood and made for the stairs going up to the bathroom. I was part way down the hallway when I saw him. He was standing at the window in the wall next to the door of the bathroom but he wasn't looking out of it. He was staring at me as if he had been expecting me. I stopped, looking him over. He had just recently showered, his hair still wet. He was wearing a navy blue crew neck t-shirt and a pair of jeans and nothing else. His bare feet made no noise on the wooden floors as he padded closer to me. He stopped about five feet back. I could smell the soap he used, the clean, airy smell of the laundry detergent used for his clothes. Something stirred low within me as his smell assaulted my nose and he stood there, staring at me in the darkness of the hallway. The distant laughter downstairs made the moment feel very private.

"Sounds like everyone is having fun." I swallowed.

"You could join if you wanted."

"So nice of you to extend an invitation." His voice was empty minus the barest hint of sarcasm. He was irritated with me. I frowned. Why? If anything I should be the one irritated with him.

"I was just saying that you don't have to stay hidden away up here. We would all love it if you would join us."

He cocked his head to the side and came forward until he was less than a full arm length away. A slight smile spread across his mouth and he leaned into me a little then took another step so that he was closer. My heart raced as he leaned in until I felt his lips brush my ear. That one small bit of contact made something jerk low within me and set my skin tingling.

"You reek of alcohol." I swallowed as the gruff bass of his voice sent a shiver down my spine that I fought to keep contained by nearly biting through my lip. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I acting like this. I swallowed a few more times before I could speak.

"We've been drinking." He laughed and this time I couldn't fight the shiver.

"I can see this, captain obvious." He mumbled, taking a single step back and staring down at the nearly empty bottle in my hand. I swallowed before speaking.

"Join us."

He stared at me and shook his head with a small smile, his increasingly longer hair falling into his face. He lifted his hand to push it back, revealing the white gauze bandage it was wrapped in. My eyes flicked to the bandage, remembering how he had gotten it before Dean noticed and let his hand fall back down as if to take attention away from it. I ignored what could turn into an awkward, angry situation.

"Will you join us?" Dean stared at me, eyes shining.

"For what?"

"To enjoy yourself." He smiled and stepped into me again, this time I felt the line of his thighs and chest against mine. His face was to the left of mine.

"Thought you didn't want me drinking?"

"Not if that is the only thing you are going to put in your stomach, no." He chuckled and moved back a little to look into my face.

"Why are you still here, Cass?" A wave of nausea rolled through me at the question. Did he want me to leave? My thoughts must have shown on my face because he continued. "I mean, after everything I have put you through, why are you still here?" I floundered for words other than the obvious, something that wouldn't send Dean into a fit of rage or disgust. "Why do you care?" A spark of anger flitted through me as I met his gaze.

"I care because over all the years I've lived I have seen dynasties, pharaohs, and kings and queens rise and fall, entire races be born and butchered to extinction. Yet you showed me that I've never really _lived_ at all." I took a step forward and he stepped back. "I care because you boys gave me something to believe in. Something to fight for, something real. I was an observer watching life pass me by and you gave me a place among you." Another step forward for me and one back for him. "I care because you made me care!" I felt anger and fear coil within me, the words hanging heavy with what sounded like resentment.

Did I resent the Winchesters for what they had done to me? I thought hard about that in the silence. Life had been so simple, easy, all about God, honor, fighting the "good" fight, duty. Life had been so complicated since the Winchesters. They had taken everything I thought I knew and loved and shoved it down my throat. Gave me a whole new world, a whole new life. Yes, I realized, I did resent them. And yet...I recalled the feeling of Ellen's body against mine in complete comfort, the friendship and love reflected in her smile. I thought of the trust and faith they all had in me, the profound love in my heart for them. The very same love I was rebelling for. All this crossed my mind in seconds.

"We didn't force you into anything, Cass. You could have left at any time. Hell!" He threw his hands up. "You could leave now! No one is stopping you. You wanna leave? Go!" I could hear the tears in his voice, see the rage trembling down the line of his arm pointing me back towards the direction I came from. "Go ahead. Leave, if you feel so strongly." His voice croaked a little. I just shook my head. "Don't let me hold you back. By all means, fly little bird, fly!" He threw his body forward and flapped his arms in a ridiculous motion imitating flight.

He was rambling on, I saw his lips moving but didn't hear his words. He was so close to me that I felt the air shift with every movement he made. I watched his body move about and could feel his pain. I was moving toward him before I could think twice and my arms slid around his waist, pulling his body flush to mine. I buried my face in his neck and held him close. I felt his hands shove against my shoulders but refused to move.

"Let me go." More pushing, "Get off me, let me go!" He was breathing hard and I felt something wet splash onto the back of my neck. "Cass, let me go." His voice was barely a whisper, thick with tears. I shook my head and held him tighter. "Let me go...please..." the last was a sob. It was then that I realized, Dean wanted to die. That was what he was asking for. He wanted me to let him die. His legs collapsed so that I was the only thing holding him up.

"Never." I said against his neck.

He made some noise between pain and anguish and then his face was in the crook between my shoulder and neck, his arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders, as if he were clinging to me for dear life. I held the slightly taller man in a very intimate embrace, held him until he was silent. His body was so still against me, weak. I hefted him higher and lifted his body so that I was carrying him in my arms. Dean made no noises of protest so I carried him back to his bedroom. I laid him on his bed and sat down next to him, staring at the broken look in those eyes that gazed off blankly, so empty of any emotion but pain. After a while I couldn't stand it. I stood and turned to go for the door when I felt fingers close lightly around my wrist. I froze, waiting for him to say anything, anything. Then he did.

"Don't leave me. Please, don't leave me." I turned to see those gorgeous green eyes shining at me with so much need. All I could do was nod.

His eyes slid closed, forcing the tears out. I slid onto the bed, sidling close to him. He laid back down, releasing me, reluctantly. I smiled and laid with my front to his back as close as I could get. We laid that way for a while, most of the time I spent trying to find somewhere to put my other arm. I hesitantly slid my hand onto his waist, squeezing gently, kneading the flesh there, just for something to do with my arm. His T-shirt rode up so that my hand was now on bare skin. Dean made a small sound in his throat and his entire body moved against mine, almost like he was flexing a muscle. He rolled slowly onto his back and I felt the soft warmth of his skin move beneath my fingers, dipping and diving with all the curves of muscle. He stared up at me and it took a lot for me to meet those eyes but when I finally did I had to bite back a gasp. He looked so very different. His eyes shone, not with tears but something I couldn't quite place. His shaggy, uncut hair was tousled from laying on it wet. The skin of his lower stomach was exposed, showing the extremely defined V of his hips, fading beneath the cloth of his jeans. My fingers were centimeters away from that delicate line of hair that trails from the belly button to the groin. I looked back at Dean's eyes to find him staring at me. His fingers slid over the back of my hand until he was holding it, pushing my hand into his flesh slightly. He looked a little embarrassed, cheeks flushing a deep red right before his voice came soft, almost not there.

"Cass...can you..." His eyes met mine and he looked away as if he wasn't going to finish. I dug my fingers into his stomach a little to get his attention, getting an almost inaudible noise in response.

"Can I what, Dean?" He glanced at me then down at my hand on his stomach. I watched his throat convulse as he swallowed hard a couple times. I could feel my heart thudding through my body as his fingers traced light patterns across the soft skin on the back of my hand.

"Dean." He looked at me, eyes swimming with some unexplainable need. "What do you want me to do?"

That was a loaded question if ever I heard one. I knew what I wanted to do, my body burned with my desire. Dean stared into my eyes.

"Touch me." I couldn't breathe for a second. Whatever he saw must have given him my answer because he slid his hand up my arm. "Touch me. Please, just touch me."

 **A/N- I hope you guys enjoyed this one. I enjoyed writing the beginning of this chapter so thoroughly It was almost a physical effort to steer myself away from it to something...more. I will try to update as soon as possible, along with updates for my other stories as well.**

 **MiNiGiIOI, to answer your question about whether I am a man, all I can say to that is anonymity is a curious, many splendored thing. For my purposes on Fanfic, I the author, am whatever you want. This is probably the oddest, most amusing question I have gotten so far. I enjoy interacting with readers so I have a question for you. Would me being a man effect how you read the story?**

 **Thank you again to Kobby76, for your dedication to my work, and to MiNiGiIOI for your renewed interest! Sorry for the cliff hanger guys, but I think you will definitely like what's coming next chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- Sorry for the cliff hanger last chapter, no, wait...not really. Lol! I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope to have another chapter up soon.**

 **Disclaimer- Sexual content (not as graphic as most of the stuff I write)**

 **Castiel's POV**

I swallowed and sucked in a deep inhale of air, nodding more than I should have. I played my fingers along the exposed skin of his stomach moving up slowly, pushing his shirt up until I couldn't get it to go anymore. I played with the skin available to me for a few minutes, sliding my fingers under the cloth of his shirt. Dean sat up suddenly and pulled his shirt over his head in one fluid motion before falling back to the bed, snuggling close to me. I gazed down at him as I splayed my fingers in the shallow dip of his stomach between his ribs. I ran my fingers along the ribs and hip bones that were more prominent due to the last couple months. I gently trailed my fingers through the line of hair that disappeared into his pants, making him shiver and then explored his chest, one finger drawn spiral at a time. He made these lovely purrs every once in a while that made something shift low inside my body. His body lay bonelessly next to me, completely relaxed as if just these, the most soft and simple of touches was sating some generally unspoken, personal need. I was tracing my fingers along the length of his neck and jaw line when I saw his head was thrown back, mouth open slightly, eyes closed. I had been running my fingers along his body, exploring for time unknown to me and hadn't realized how my almost chaste curiosity might effect him.

Just then I really started to look at him, all of him. I looked at the way his chest and stomach rose and fell with faster inhales than normal. I memorized the way his body looked splayed out for me, because that was exactly what it was and my heart raced. My eyes roamed down to where his jeans sat against his hips. The cloth was so loosely draped over them that I could imagine myself sliding my hand beneath them. The thought made me twitch and I startled a little, recognizing that I was fully erect. I pushed the thought aside as I explored Dean with my hand.

The warm brush of what felt like butterfly wings beat against the walls of my stomach at the way Dean's breath kept quietly catching. As I ghosted my fingers along the skin just above his jeans I had to bite back a moan. The cloth that had been loose against him was now raised, drawing my eyes down to the firm erection pushing at his jeans. My erection did something that could only amount to jumping or kicking. Dean made a small noise and I realized I had been digging my nails into him. I tried to ignore Dean's arousal by going higher on his body. I bit my lip as I traced my fingers across his chest. His nipples were drawn into taught peaks and I just couldn't resist. I ran the tips of my fingers across one in a fast, light movement that made him gasp.

I forced myself to go back to the chaste touches from before and then before I could tell myself not to I found myself running my index finger in light, tantalizing circles around his nipple. His chest rose and fell faster. I ran my thumb over the hard nub and his chest rose a little in response, a throaty noise coming from him. I suddenly, instinctively, pinched the hard flesh between my thumb and forefinger and he moaned for me, arching his back. As much as I told myself to stop I just couldn't. I rolled his nipple between my fingers, his back arching, hands grabbing at the sheets. I wanted him to moan again. I switched nipples and he gave me just what I wanted. I suddenly stopped and his body fell limply back to the bed, chest heaving. I was breathing almost as heavily as he was, erection almost painfully heavy with need. He was looking at me as I ran my fingers lightly down his chest and stomach. His eyes almost glowed with a heat I had never seen before, but he never moved, never told me to stop or go on. I looked away from his eyes back to his body, not wanting to see the moment when he did decide to stop me. I wanted him. I wanted him in a way I'd never wanted anything before in my life.

I dipped my fingers shallowly beneath the tented cloth of his jeans and watched his hips wriggle just the slightest bit. I decided to test my boundaries and tugged the cloth a little upwards getting the same eager response. I was propped on my elbow, not remembering how I got there.

I traced my fingers along the seam running up the inside of his thigh stopping just shy of his groin. I did that a few times, up as far as I dared then back down almost to his knee, building up the courage to go further, watching his erection twitch every time I drew near. When I finally followed the seam all the way up to the juncture between his thighs he arched his back a little and I slid my palm over him. He cried out and I moaned feeling the hard length of him stretched beneath my palm. I traced the girth of him with my thumb and forefinger and roved my eyes up Dean's body to see his head thrown back, throaty moans crawling up his throat, back arched, fingers digging at the blankets.

"Please-" Dean gasped out. I wanted him so very badly I hurt from it. I knew I should stop, some part of me was telling me to stop this. I didn't.

"Undo them for me." The command was just there, no thought needed and Dean obeyed instantly, hands scrambling to get his jeans undone, making small eager noises.

I moaned as his erection sprang free. Dean was watching me as I nudged the cloth further down his hips until I could see all of him with no obstructions. He was magnificent. I wanted so many things in that moment. Then the logical side of my brain kicked in. I would give him release, if I could, but in a way involving the least contact. He might regret this in the morning and I would take as little advantage of him as possible. But, I rationalized, it would be wrong to leave him like this, wouldn't it?

I ran my fingers along the silken skin stretching his hard length and he gasped. My patience suddenly snapped and I closed my fingers around him. He arched his back almost painfully and cried out so loudly it was almost a scream. His fingers dug into my arm as I began stroking him, his hips moving in a rhythm of their own. I watched his body roll, cock sliding in and out of my closed fist and realized I was moaning. Images of Sam with his mouth around Dean flashed through my head and I cried out, desire of wanting to do the same thing tearing through me like a volcanic wave.

Dean's body was taught with desire and need, moans falling from his lips like a litany. His fingers tightened on my arm and he lost his rhythm. I don't know where it came from but I used my leg to knock his leg flat on the bed, pinning both his legs with my own so he couldn't move his hips anymore. I rolled my hand and wrist from base to tip in a long, fluid, fast motion, cock slick now with his own juices, rocking Dean's head back onto the bed. His cries got louder, body tensing and I instinctively locked my mouth around his nipple, biting gently, rolling my tongue over the hard nub. That did it. Dean shouted, his body jack-knifed off the mattress and I had to pull my mouth away from him to avoid accidentally hurting him as he convulsed. Streams of his release were thick and warm on the back of my hand, his fingers dug into my arm painfully. His body fell limply back onto the mattress, hand convulsing on my arm. His other hand found mine and stilled it.

"No more, Cass. Gods, please no more." His voice was gruff. He lay sprawled on the bed cock still hard, gleaming in the dimness of the room with his own juices. I straddled his thighs. I'm just helping him get dressed, just helping him get dressed. You helped him undress, it is only right. Dean opened his eyes to look at me and I stopped, hands resting on his hips. His breathing was still ragged from the previous exertions. I roved my eyes over his body stopping at his gleaming erection standing out like an exclamation point. My cock seized in my pants and I had to close my eyes. It was like I couldn't help myself. My fingers lightly moved along the sides of his cock making him moan. I teased my fingers up and down his length until he was panting for me. I looked at his face seeing his mouth moving and throat convulsing like he was trying to say something he didn't have the air for. I squeezed his cock in my hand and he arched his back, a fresh drop of liquid oozing out the head of him. No sooner than the thought of tasting him crossed my mind I was moving for him. I saw Dean lift his head and look at me right as I flicked my tongue across the head of him. His eyes slid shut and he groaned deeply as I rolled the flavor of him around in my mouth. He was salty with a sweet undertone. I fought myself not to continue but then Dean moaned, snapping my eyes open to see him staring down at me, fingers digging into his thighs, cock twitching not three inches in front of me. Something primitive I could only describe as a growl, crawled up my throat and then I was sucking on the head of his cock. He took a screaming inhale as I pulled him into my mouth until my lips rested against his skin and then he let out a shout, sinking his fingers into my hair.

"Cass!"

Every notion I had to stop died at hearing him scream my name and I gave myself over to my desire. I rolled my mouth over him, sucking and licking, feeling his massive, hard length forced down my throat. He said my name over and over like a prayer. A fine trembling ran through his entire body, his legs twitching, fingers tensing in my hair. I loved the feeling of the impossible combination of hard muscle and incredibly soft skin, sliding in and out of my mouth. Dean's body jerked hard against me, forcing his cock even farther into my throat, my teeth biting into the base of him for a second before I opened my mouth wider to keep from hurting him. He cried out louder and I just went with the moment. I pulled away from him slowly, shoving his hips against the mattress and dragging my teeth lightly up his length ending by rolling my tongue around the head of his cock. He cried out my name again before I sucked him back down, stealing his air. He cried out, hips jerking forward, hand tightening almost painfully in my hair.

"Oh _GOD!_ " He shouted.

Between one motion and the next he went. I felt him explode in my mouth, shoving him down my throat as he screamed my name. His body seized, hips bucking, his free hand tearing at the bed. The muscles in his lower body fluttered against me, legs pinned beneath my weight. I kept sucking him down my throat in long, languid motions watching his spine bow as a fresh burst of liquid heat filled my mouth. He seemed to have no more air to scream as his body bucked and writhed as if rebelling against the pleasure. His hand in my hair seemed to be trying to pull me away from him but stopped as I took him all the way down my throat, closing it tight around him and getting another burst of liquid heat right down my throat. I fell still, his flagging erection throbbing in my mouth in time to his heart beat. I reluctantly pulled back from him, sliding my lips along him. A mild feeling of shame wrapped around me as I already began mourning the feeling of his hardness in my mouth. He cried out and twitched in response right before his hand fell limply from my hair to the bed. I lay next to him, trailing my fingers along his stomach and hips, watching his eyelids flutter as he fought to look at me. I lay there for a while next to him, observing his body calming, breathing regulate. Eventually he looked at me through half-lidded eyes.

"Do you even have a gag reflex?" His voice was husky from our exertions. I laughed and shook my head.

"No. Angels have no need to eat food of any kind. The only reason we have mouths is for oral communication. If nothing is meant to go in our mouths there is no need for a gag reflex." Dean raised his eyebrows like he was going to say something witty then shook his head.

" _Damn_." He said on a laughing exhale. "Such an unfair advantage."

I frowned and he laughed. I smiled hearing the sound, knowing I would do anything to keep hearing it. I just hoped our adventures didn't change our relationship for the worst.

 **A/N- So there it is, the first smut scene between Cass and Dean. I hope you all liked this chapter. Please remember to review, I do so love to hear from readers.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- I apologize for taking so long to update. I haven't updated anything in so long! I am trying to catch up with all my stories so bare with me here. Thank you to kobby, as usual, and** **MiNiGiIOI for your reviews! Alright guys, enjoy and I hope to have another chapter up soon. Please don't forget to review.**

 **Disclaimer- Mild vulgar language and sexual content**

 **Dean's POV**

I woke up alone in bed, the early morning sunlight streaming in through the lace curtains. I wondered about the last time they had been washed finally deciding the thick layer of dust and grime on the once white of the effeminate curtains was testament to Bobby's lack of housekeeping skills. They probably hadn't been washed since his wife had hung them last. I frowned as I pulled myself up in bed, shaking that uncharacteristic line of thought out of my head. I stretched, luxuriating in the feeling of my muscles pulling free of the nights sleep. I felt amazing!

"Good morning." Cass' gruff voice snapped my head in his direction to see him posted in the doorway to the bathroom.

His hair was wet, fresh out of the shower. I watched the muscles clench and roll beneath the tan flesh as he slipped a button down over his head. I swallowed a few times then examined the chipped off-white paint on the doorjamb. Bobby really needed to put some elbow grease into the house, the place was falling apart. I looked back at Cass who was staring at me, his eyes shone with something, some dark knowledge. Last night came back to me. I felt Cass' fingers exploring me, his hand around me followed by his mouth. I felt my hand buried in the feather softness of his hair, tasted his name on my tongue. I got all that in a matter of seconds and found myself struggling for breath. I snapped back from the very real memories that crept along my body like they had just happened. What the fuck was that? I looked into Cass' eyes seeing that dark gleam there and couldn't. I looked away, blood scalding the flesh of my throat as it rushed to fill my face with heat. I hid my eyes, looking very firmly at my lap noticing for the first time how very naked I was and the massive boner staring me down. My face burned so hot I fought not to fan myself. I reached for the sheet, trying to keep my cool. I got another flash of last night, remembering another scarlet burn. I grabbed his hand when he was leaving asking not to leave me. I felt the warmth of his body pressed against mine from behind, me pressing his hand into the flesh of my stomach as my need burned inside me, overcoming the embarrassment of asking him. " _Touch me. Please, just touch me."_ I yanked myself free of the memories with a gasp, feeling my plea, my desperation roll off my tongue. I put my hand to my mouth and shook my head wondering why my memories were so vivid.

"It's a side effect." I looked up at him.

"What?" I mumbled around my hand. Cass crossed his arms over his chest, the dark gleam that had been in his eyes was gone leaving his face blank and unreadable.

"From what I have heard it happens sometimes when angels and mortals have...illicit encounters." I waited for him to go on. He seemed to recognize this and sighed lightly. "Our grace, it..." He stopped and seemed to be searching for words.

He took a step towards the bed as if to sit down on it and I pulled the sheet around me a little more before I could stop myself. His eyes clocked the motion and he stopped. He looked away and took back that step, sliding down the door jamb and folding his legs. I broke the now awkward silence.

"You were saying what about your grace?" His eyes locked on mine and I could read absolutely nothing from him. His face was completely locked down, stoic like he'd been when he'd first come to me, revealing nothing. I flinched a little and glanced away.

"When angels and humans become intimate supposedly you touch our grace and it...stains you." I frowned.

"What?" He ran his hand through his hair and took in a lot of air.

"It acts kind of like a drug. When you touch our grace it makes it so that our encounter will always be with you. In a way angel-mortal encounters tend to leave the human..." He twirled his hand in the air and his eyes roved up to the ceiling as he floundered for the right word. "What is it you humans call it...star struck?" A sick feeling started to worm through me, nesting in the cold pit growing in my stomach.

"What are you saying, Cass." What should have been a question fell flat between us.

"What do you remember from last night? What does it leave you feeling?" I felt my blush burn back through me. I wanted to deny remembering anything but couldn't lie. I needed to know what he'd done to me.

"I...when I remember last night it feels like...like you-" I stopped and took a few steadying breaths before continuing. "It feels like I- you are still touching me." I took a deep breath at finally getting it out.

"So you relive the memories as if they are currently happening?" Wow. That was an easy way to put it. I nodded. He nodded but stayed silent. I waited for him to continue explaining but he didn't. I had no patience right now and didn't like where this was going.

"Cass? What the hell is happening?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" I sounded as outraged as I felt. He locked his eyes on mine again.

"What part of angel and human relations are forbidden didn't you understand?" I blinked a couple times and floundered for a response.

"But-" Cass scoffed and looked away.

"It isn't exactly like I know a lot about what to expect after sex with mortals, Dean. I am an angel after all. We aren't exactly supposed to have interest in anything but God and goodwill. This-" He gestured vaguely between him and I, "this is so...well, it is so taboo I think we could redefine the word." He chuckled a little. I didn't know what to say.

"But angels have to fall off the wagon sometime, right?" He waved a hand as if swatting the statement away.

"Of course. How do you think nephilim come into being."

"What are nephilim and how rare are they?" He stopped moving, as far as I could tell he wasn't even breathing.

"Nephilim are half human, half angel and technically classified as abominations. They are incredibly rare and never live very long."

"Why?" He never looked at me.

"Because they are offensive to everything angels uphold. So...we hunt and kill them."

"Because they are disgraceful." Cass made some thick noise in the back of his throat.

"You need not worry, Dean. I don't think I need to tell you that there is no possibility of our union producing a nephilim." There was something nasty in his tone which surprised me but I let it go, caught up thinking about what last night meant.

"So what did last night mean?" He looked me in my eyes again.

"What do you want it to mean?" I flinched. I hadn't meant to imply that I was trying to figure out where our relationship stood, though that was going to be interesting to figure out.

"I meant, what effect did it have on me?" He looked at me as if I was the only one that could answer that question before looking away.

"If you are talking about the effect of my grace on you I've already told you. I don't know. If I could caution a guess from what has been rumored I would say that even if I never touch you again you will always remember last night in a way that no other sexual encounter will ever resonate."

I stopped breathing. There was no arrogance in his voice, just a factual bluntness. I tried to think of remembering what he did to me last night, feeling last night as if it was happening at that moment as a regular occurrence. Something tightened low within me and I felt my cock stiffen. I shifted uncomfortably at the weight of his hold on me now. He must have felt my discomfort because he stood up and left the room. I stared at the door as it closed softly behind him. I stared at the door for a while before falling back on the bed. Was I going to always get a hard on now when I saw Castiel? How were we going to make it past this? Was there even a way past it?

I began to ask myself thousands of questions, the kind of questions that never cross your mind when you're about to do something you might regret later. I thought back to the development of the relationship between Cass and I. From detached, stoic angel to bedfellow. The thought made me smile and I surprised myself with a loud bray of laughter. Had it been Cass' grace that had made me want him so badly last night? Cass had said being close to humans did things to us. Was that the explanation behind it all. I sat up and ripped the blanket off of me, swinging my legs off the edge of the bed. I wanted to explain away why I let him do what he did to me last night. I needed an explanation. It was then that I knew. Last night should never have happened.

I fell back against the bed again and rubbed my hands over my face, groaning. I laid there for a while, forcing myself to not think about anything, staring at the ceiling. I stretched finally feeling that delicious pull in my muscles that sex gave you and suddenly my hands were scrambling at the bed, one hand buried itself in feather soft hair. My head was thrown back, his name tearing out of my throat, almost a scream as his mouth pressed against the front of me, my cock sheathed in his throat.

I fought free of the memory, coming back with a moan, the feeling of his mouth on me so real I had to look down to make sure he wasn't actually there. My cock throbbed viciously, weeping for attention. I couldn't stop myself, I had to. I palmed my cock and nearly bit my lip off trying to stifle my cry of pleasure. Cass stroked me in long languid strokes, pinning my hips so I couldn't help. I was so close, so close. His teeth bit into my nipple sending pleasure in a burning line through me like it had a direct line to my cock. I cried out as the pleasure speared through my cock, sending me in a head dive over the cliff. My orgasm rocked my head back on my spine as I cried out, my body seizing. I fell limp against the bed, moving my hand to still his hand on me, words of mercy already forming on my lips. I opened my eyes to find the room empty. I gazed down my body at my flagging erection wondering if I had masturbated to the memory or if the memory was so strong it had taken me over. Oh fuck. What did Cass do to me?

 **Castiel's POV**

I stood with my back against the wall next to the door I'd just come out of. I didn't move, not even to breathe, not daring to. I would never forget last night...or the way Dean had acted this morning. The dawning look of horror on his face when I had tried to explain what was happening to him. I'll never forget the shade of red his skin turned as the blood crept up his neck into his face. The embarrassment he felt at what we had done. Would he ever forgive me for what we had done last night? I had tried to steel myself against my desires. I should have just left when I'd tried. Could I have walked away from him last night when he had begged me to stay. The answer was instant. No. I had tried. I had but God help me, I wasn't strong enough. Tears slipped down my face. I wiped violently at them and froze as Dean nearly screamed my name, voice throaty with pleasure.

I instantly had an erection and slammed my eyes shut, grinding my teeth, forcing myself to stay put. A barely muffled cry of pleasure sounded almost immediately followed by a litany of moans. I dug my nails into my palm. I was not supposed to be out here so I couldn't just walk back in. His cries of pleasure took on a different tenor, more throaty and as frequent as he drew breath. I knew he was close, could almost taste him. Then he climaxed. He shouted his release and I could picture his head thrown back, body convulsing. When it was over I laid my head against the door, just listening to his ragged breathing. The door? My body was pressed flat against the wood of the door, hand resting on the knob. I jumped back. When had I moved to the door? I forced myself to walk down the hallway, locking myself in the bathroom, willing my erection to go away. As the humans said, I was so screwed.

"Fuck." It came out as a soft groan.

 **Ellen's POV**

I hadn't even heard Cass come down the stairs but as I turned around with the plate of bacon in hand he was there. I jumped and he very casually reached out, swiftly taking the plate from me, turning around and placing it on the small table that had been the center of last night's games. I smiled as I turned back to the stove. Drinking hadn't been the only games to go on last night. When Cass had never returned last night I'd gone up to investigate, and go pee. I'd heard the noises coming from that room and wanted badly to do the girl talk thing with him and get all the juicy details. Hell, the noises I'd heard not ten minutes ago spoke volumes. I decided to wait for him to tell me, if he chose to, but it took more effort than was pretty to reign myself in.

"Ellen?" I grinned like a loon, making it hard to force on a blank face, but I managed it, turning around ready for everything. Cass was staring blankly out the window next to the table and suddenly all the happy drained out of me, like someone had flipped a switch. I walked over and took the chair across from him.

"What's the matter, cuddles?" A small smile quirked the edge of his lips before fading back to solemn lines.

"How do you go back to being friends after having sex?" She felt like someone had hit her between the eyes with a sledge hammer.

"What?" That had so not been what she was expecting.

He sighed like he was putting on his battle armor. She reached her hand out and covered his with hers. He looked at her through a veil of tears. She shook her head.

"I know." He didn't have to explain. His shoulders slumped with relief. "Does he regret it?" He looked at the table as if counting the chips in the wood.

"He did not say so." The back of her throat got tight as she remembered walking a few miles in Cass' shoes.

"But he didn't have to." The angel looked up at her as pieces of his broken heart shimmered down his cheeks.

"No."

I wanted to offer him comforting words, tell him it would be alright. She had told him not too long ago while bandaging him up to not give up on Dean. That the man would need him. Today she watched the angel cry over that very man and in that very second she hated Dean. She stood and walked over to him and lifted his face to her with a finger under his chin. She wiped at the steady flow of silent tears, staring into the depth of his cerulean eyes, filled with pain that she could understand but not touch. He stared back and a world of understanding passed between the two of them. She slid a hand to the back of his head and wrapped an arm around his shoulders pulling him against her. The side of his face pressed into the flat of her stomach and he sat there, unyielding for a few moments as if he didn't know what to do. Then his arms slowly wrapped around her, settling in the dip in her lower back, lightly at first, then he held her tight. He never made a noise, his shoulders never shook with his pain but she knew he was hurting and wanted to smack Dean for his stupidity. The house was silent, half the residents still gone in a drunken sleep, as I held the crying angel. I realized I was crying too and immediately forced myself to stop. I also realized that without remembering when I had started running my fingers through his oh so soft hair. He sat back, arms extending as he did so that he was still holding onto my sides. He offered me a beautiful smile that said more than words, thank you. I nodded and stepped back, taking my seat opposite him.

"Okay. I do believe you promised to explain what happened last night." He smiled and his eyes filled with gratitude. Then his face sobered so fast it made my heart skip a beat. In a very Castiel manner, he jumped right into it.

"My brother came to me last night."

"Your brother?" he dipped his head in acknowledgment.

"Lucifer." A huge chunk of ice dropped into my stomach. I swallowed hard and motioned for him to continue, not sure if I wanted him to.

"The apocalypse is upon us, Ellen. We must all prepare for the war that is coming."

"There always has been and always will be war. What makes this one so different?"

"Yes. War it seems, like God, is ever present." He sat forward a bit. "But this war will be unlike any that has ever been. This war will decide the fate of humanity."

I looked around the house rather frantically, heart racing. They had finally almost finished repairing the damage from the last battle fought here. The battle that had killed Ash. Followed by the loss of Sam.

"Why do we have to be the ones to fight this war?" His smile was possibly the saddest thing I'd ever seen, and I'd seen a lot of terribly sad shit.

"It has and always will be the task of a few to sacrifice for the many." His voice was sorrow and regret. The voice of pain, loss and personal experience. I wondered what the angel had lost to sound like that.

I wondered the price of this war. What would it be like to live the ignorant life of those untouched by the sacrifices made by the unsung heroes on the front line? I found myself wondering if humanity was really worth it all. If I just walked away and said fuck ya'll, saved myself, my daughter and those I loved most would someone else step up to and save the world? Could I live with myself if no one did? How much would we have to give before it was enough? I saw the sympathy in his eyes but behind that, the scarred warrior not willing to give in without a fight. If he, who had fought who knows how many wars and sacrificed who knew what, was still willing to fight how could I tuck tail and run. His strength smothered my cowardice and pulled me to my feet.

"I'll go wake the others. No need to tell the story multiple times." He nodded and looked out the window. I did not envy him the task of telling everyone that everything they loved was up at the chopping block again. I walked into the office. The lines of one of my favorite books running through my mind.

" _If you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, his arms trembling but still trying to hold the world aloft with the last of his strength, and the greater his effort the heavier the world bore down upon his shoulders - What would you tell him?"_ __

 _"_ _I…don't know. What…could he do? What would you tell him?"_

"To shrug." I finished allowed.

I was about halfway through the room when the war burst into the house, punctuated by the splintering sound of shattering glass and the explosion of the back and front doors being kicked in.

 **A/N- Alright guys I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry if it wasn't all you wanted but welcome to the morning after. Most of us can walk a mile in poor Cass' shoes. Hope to see ya'll again soon with another chapter. Remember to review. Ciao!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N- Hello again, my lovelies! I am happy to have an update for you so soon! I am going to try real hard to put out weekly updates, but I make no promises. Thank you to the guests who reviewed last chapter, one of which sounded very kobby-esque. Kobby if that was you, thanks as usual, mate. Special shout out goes to MiNiGiIOI who was so attentive about my update that he caught the error in the original upload at the same time I did and pointed it out before I could fix it. Ya'lls dedication to this story inspires me to keep writing. Well, on with the show. Willkommen zurück zu meinem welt! Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer- Graphic violence, vulgar language, explicit sexual contents**

 **Ellen's POV**

The glass shattered around me as I crouched and shielded my eyes. Rufus, who had been passed out on the couch rolled onto the floor, arms going over his head. I dropped to my stomach and slithered as fast as I could to Bobby's desk, yanking open the bottom drawer to find the .45 where it always was. I slid the hammer back on the colt and rolled onto my back as heavy boots landed on both sides of me. I got a brief glimpse of a very mountain-man like beard and small dark eyes before my bullet found it's way out the back of his head in a shower of bone, blood and thicker things. I pushed at his shoulder and rolled with his falling weight before he could fall on top of me, pinning me beneath his massive weight. I was straddling his dead body, clearing blood from my eyes when I was tackled, barely having the time to throw my arm out to take the impact instead of my skull. I had a moment to thank whatever god was listening that our assailants were human and then someone had a handful of my hair. I knew my attacker was a woman before I pushed up and shoved our combined weight over so that I landed on top of her, using our momentum to smash my head into her face. I felt more than heard her nose break and she screamed, letting go of my hair to cater to her face lift. I rolled over and had the muzzle of my gun under her chin in a heartbeat. I saw the surprise in the woman's eyes right before I squeezed my trigger, redecorating Bobby's bookshelf with a lovely shade of gore.

I felt the air shift and rolled just in time to avoid the kick that had been aimed at my chest. Someone wrapped their arm around my waist in mid roll and lifted me clear off the floor, bodily throwing me across the room. I felt my body twist through the air before I was crashing into a bookshelf. Two of the shelves splintered under the force of my body connecting with it and I fell to the floor in a shower of books. My head felt light and fuzzy as I tried to push myself up off the floor. I never got there. A hand wrapped around the back of my neck, fingers digging in harshly at the base of my skull. I was hauled to my feet and slammed face first into the already broken bookshelf. My head slammed into the back of the shelf making images of sugar plums and candy canes dance across my vision. What were unbroken shelves slammed into my ribcage and a loud crack that could have been the shelves or my ribs sounded. I was tossed to the ground, staring up at a little wisp of a woman. So much for our intruders being only human. There was no way this small slip of a woman could have caused the damage she had without some serious demon juice. I smiled at her as the world began to waiver at the edges. She made a disgusted noise at the back of her throat and a face to match.

"You humans are so weak. Why would we ever bow to you?" A blood curdling scream echoed through me bringing tears to my eyes. I knew who that scream belonged to and answered it with one of my own.

"DEAN!" Terror, heartbreak, like something you could touch was there as I screamed for him.

The small woman opened her mouth as if about to say something else and then a blinding white light light flooded the room. I threw an arm over my eyes weakly, wishing I had enough hands and the strength to block out the terrible screams that seemed to scrape along my skin. As quickly as it had come it was gone. I lay there for a few moments, trying to swallow my heart. I heard someone crying. Dean. My heart dropped to my feet as my stomach climbed into my throat and I rolled onto my front shoving off the floor. The world spun and it felt like my insides were slowly rolling to catch up. I could barely see as I crawled on hands and knees over broken glass and fallen books. My vision slowly cleared as I moved. What I saw stopped me cold and made bile rise to the back of my throat. Dean was naked on his knees, long blond hair plastered to his thighs with blood.

"No, no, no, no, no..." He must have felt me staring because he turned his head to look at me. Tears streamed from red eyes and he lifted his hand up, palm out in a gesture to ward me off.

"Ellen...stay...don't..." I must have moved because I was getting closer to his blood covered hand, but I couldn't remember. Someone was moaning and I realized it was me as I saw her. The moan gradually grew into a wail of grief. Jo was staring blankly at the ceiling, mouth opening and closing as if she were trying to say something. Her breath came in rattling rasps. What looked like a wooden chair leg was sticking out of her stomach only a few inches below her sternum. I saw my hands reach out to the obstruction, my first instinct to pull it out. It shouldn't be there. It was wrong. Dean's bloody fingers closed over mine and my frantic eyes flicked up to his to see him shaking his head. I wanted to hold her but didn't dare move her.

"Noooooooooo..." It came out as a gurgled moan, a sob choking out at the end. "Not my baby." I shook my head too fast and the world got fuzzy again. "NOT MY BABY!" I was up on my knees beside her, hands on her cheeks. "JoAnna Beth Harvelle you look at me! Don't you dare give up on me! You can't!" Jo's eyes flicked to me and tears leaked from the corners. Her lips moved as she mouthed "mom" but there was no sound, as if someone had hit the mute button.

"Cass!" My arms were suddenly around her and I was rocking her. "Hold on baby! Mama is here!" I sobbed. "CASTIEL!" Jo was mouthing something to me and I shook my head, tears dropping onto her face. "Don't you dare tell me you love me like you're saying goodbye!" I looked around frantically. "CASTIEL! PLEASE!" The last word cracked.

Suddenly the angel was there. He dragged his body over to Jo with one arm, the other cradled against his chest. Her heart fluttered with hope. He pulled Jo toward him with his one arm. I was reluctant to let her go but I had to trust him. Save my baby, Cass. Please! He hugged her limp body to his chest and a pale blue glow formed between them, emanating from the angel.

"Dean." Cass' voice was gruff with command and as if Dean knew what the angel needed he moved forward, wrapping his hands firmly around the chair leg.

Cass nodded and Dean tore the protruding object out of Jo, whose body arched against the angel, limbs spasming as she took a screaming inhale. The room was silent for a few painful seconds and then Cass made a pain noise and Jo gasped for breath, arms wrapping around him in a flutter of panic. He held her, face lost in her hair, head hanging loose. Fear zinged through me but Dean was the one to ask.

"Cass?" He reached out to touch the angel, who was still holding my daughter in that one armed grip.

"Cass, are you alright?" The angel never moved. My heart lurched. Had Cass given his life to save Jo's?

"Castiel?" Real fear laced Dean's voice. "Answer me dammit!" Cass slowly lifted his head and looked in Dean's direction but his eyes were unfocused, face slack with what looked like exhaustion. Dean's breath went out of him and his shoulders slumped in relief.

"Thank god." He mumbled under his breath.

I stood abruptly, too abruptly, and the world spun around me. I lost my balance and fell back to my knees, I whirled away from Dean just in time. Vomit burned up my throat and spewed out my mouth to splatter along the floor. My vision exploded in star-bursts of black and white, my heartbeat filling my head. When it was over I held myself up on shaky arms, trying not to move. I'd bet my least favorite body part that I had a concussion.

"Cass?" I winced.

Dean's voice hadn't been that loud but it felt like it was scraping along my brain. I heard broken glass being slid across the ground, or maybe something being slid over it. There was shuffling and a small noise of pain. A wave of pain swept through me from the head down making me put every bit of concentration into not falling face first into my vomit. My arms shook violently beneath me and I knew I was going to fall. I tried to prepare myself for the pain and forced my body to fall to the side of the puddle. Instead of hitting the floor I was rolled into a pair of arms, pulled into a firm chest. I closed my eyes, fighting back the nausea as the bones in my head slowly slid. A hand slick with something pressed against my cheek and when I opened my eyes I was staring up into a pair of greyish-blue eyes. I frowned slightly. I didn't know these eyes, but I did know the gentle smile being offered to me. He pulled me in tighter against his chest so that I was staring at his strong jawline as his skin began to glow that pale blue light less blue and flickering a little around the edges. I closed my eyes and felt his lips press against my forehead. My breathing hitched as a long line of warmth ran through the center of me. His breath came out as a shuddering sigh, the warmth spreading out and out, filling me up until it pushed against my skin. The feeling wasn't unpleasant, in fact I found my hands wrapping around one of his arms, holding him closer. It felt really good. A shock of pain lanced through my head making me gasp and then it was over. His body was limp beneath mine. I moved against him and he loosened his arms so I could sit up. His upper body began to slide toward the floor and there were suddenly arms there to support him. Four sets of hands reached out to grab him, including mine, easing him to the floor. I looked up to see Jo staring in awe at the angel, Dean's eyes reflected fear and Bobby, the admiration in his eyes brought tears to mine.

I looked around to see Rufus sitting with his back propped against a broken bookshelf, blood dripping down from the corner of his mouth and a gash on his cheek, but otherwise looked no worse for the wear. The room was trashed, books and papers scattered among the debris of broken shelves and discarded weapons. A tall woman staggered to her feet, favoring her left leg as she looked over at us. Rage shot through me and I contemplated shooting her. Whatever she or I would have done didn't matter as Rufus raised the shotgun in his lap. Her eyes went wide as she dove through a broken window seconds before the explosion of the shotgun sounded. Dead bodies lay among the glittering shards of glass littering the floor. We all looked down at the angel who had saved our lives...again. I found myself crying as I stared into his eyes. The beautiful cerulean blue of them was gone, replaced with a grey so dull it was almost clear like dirty glass. What had he done to save us?

"He's bleeding." Bobby was moving the torn shirt up to expose a shallow but broad stab wound just above Cass' hip.

Dean tore the angel's shirt in a long strip from shoulder to the bottom, exposing a deeper stab wound on his left shoulder. Cass groaned as Dean jostled him around trying to tie a makeshift bandage around the wound. He hissed as the material was yanked tight across the wound. The fuckers had stabbed him with an angel blade! Twice. This left no doubt, if there'd ever been any, that they had meant our deaths. I moved forward and smiled down at him.

"Let's get you somewhere comfortable to rest." He shook his head.

"No. Time is a luxury of which we do not have." It was my turn to shake my head.

"Cass, you need to be bandaged up and rest." He shook his head again and tried to push himself up. Dean put one hand in the center of the angel's chest and shoved him back down as gently as he could.

"Do as Ellen says. She's right and you know it." Again with the head shake.

"I must-" Dean cut him off.

"You _must_ stop arguing because you won't win. You are no good to us like this, Cass. We need you to be at full capacity." The angel stared at him for a moment then nodded.

"Fine but I must speak to you all." I nodded.

"Agreed. You can talk as we get you fixed up." He looked at me and I fought not to flinch. I knew he was staring at me but his gaze was unfocused. It was like the eerie stare of a blind person, the notion is there but not the ability.

"Can you walk?" He was silent for a moment as if pondering the question.

"I don't know." I nodded. "Dean, help me get him upstairs." He nodded and grabbed one of Cass' arms putting it over his shoulders with me shadowing him on my side.

"Jo." Her eyes locked on mine, waiting for me to speak. I wanted to hug her to me and never let her go but now wasn't the time. "Get the medical kit, a bowl of hot water, rags and towels" She nodded and hopped to her feet, a hole in the cloth of her shirt where the chair leg had gone through.

"I'll help." Rufus said, hauling himself to his feet. Five minutes later we had Cass laid out on the floor next to Dean's bed. There had been no talking needed to decide where to go. Dean had just directed us here. I stood up.

"Get him out of the shirt and jeans." I tossed him a towel from the bathroom. "Cover only what decency demands." I gestured at the hole in Cass' hip that was still leaking blood. "That wound won't like being touched by much of anything." He nodded and began to try to get the angel's clothes off as I turned to help gather supplies and a bag to put the bloody linens in.

 **Castiel's POV**

 _Cover only what decency demands._ I almost laughed at the irony of that seeing Dean's naked body moving around me. The laugh faded when sharp jolts of pain shocked through me as Dean tried to remove my jeans. I had dreamed of the pleasure of having him undress me. It would figure the circumstances would be all wrong. I winced as a particularly painful jolt went through me. I placed my hand on his to still it.

"I know you are trying to be gentle but I'd prefer you be fast and rough or simply cut them off." He stared at me for a moment.

The denim was wet with blood around my hips and partway to my knee which would only make the process more difficult. I opened my mouth to tell him this when he nodded. I ground my teeth when he jerked at the jeans, taking me at my word. A couple long, pained minutes later I was completely nude, covered only by a green towel. Dean stared at me in silence for a few minutes. I was sure he was about to say something when Ellen and Jo finally came back in.

"Alright." Ellen said as she got to her knees beside me with a large red bag slung over her shoulder. She looked into my eyes. "This will not be pleasant." I nodded. That was almost a given. "Dean move back so Jo can look at his shoulder." Dean stayed where he was making Ellen stop and give him a look that made me shiver which triggered a wave of pain. "Dean. Move."

"I want to help." She shook her head.

"We have this. Move back." He shook his head. Ellen was pissed as she leaned over me, getting within half a foot of Dean. "There is a reason why surgeons are not allowed to work on those they love. We are trying to help him. Now, move. The. Fuck. Back." Each word was clipped with anger. Jo placed her hand on Dean's bare shoulder.

"Please." She said. Pain jolted back and forth between my shoulder and hip at that moment. Whether because of my wince or Jo's please, he moved back, head dropping to hang between his shoulders. Ellen tossed Jo a penlight from her pocket and clicked her own on, putting the end of it in her mouth as she snapped on a pair of purple gloves, a second later the snap of Jo's gloves echoed Ellen.

"So," She said around the penlight, "What happened to your eyes?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean they aren't the bright blue they normally are. They're dull like a really pale grey." I squeezed my eyes shut as she and Jo began exploring my wounds at the same time.

"I over exerted myself."

"What exactly does that mean?" I searched for the right words.

"If an angel's grace can be compared to anything humans have I guess a battery would do. It connects us to heaven and is what makes us an angel. Without it we would not be as such. I used my grace tonight to draw more power than I should have been able to wield in order kill the angels I did. It wore out my vessel." Jo had stopped and was staring at me.

"It sounds more to me like heaven is the outlet supplying the power, your grace is the charger and your body the battery. You overcharged the battery and effectively killed it, in a manner of speaking." Her words were muffled around the penlight and the explanation was punctuated by her sucking on the end in her mouth. I thought about that for a minute then nodded.

"I suppose it's as good an analogy as any." Jo nodded and continued working on my shoulder.

"You shouldn't have healed me. I would have been fine. Why'd you heal me?" Ellen's question was thick with sincerity. I stared at her with a slight smile.

"Because this" I tapped my head, "Is just as important as this." I placed my hand over my heart. "You need both to survive, but I want you, all of you, to do much more than that." Both women had stopped and were staring at me. Ellen smiled brilliantly, tears in her eyes. She nodded once, a silent thank you and then continued. A minute or so of silence passed before Ellen made a noise and looked up at Jo with her eyes.

"Jo, how's his shoulder wound look?" Jo frowned then sucked on the end of her flashlight before responding.

"It's weird, like parts of the blade broke off inside of him." Ellen nodded and silenced Dean, who had come forward as if to say something, with a hand before glancing at him.

"What she means is that whatever material the blade is made of seems to have flaked off along the inside of the wounds." She looked at Jo who was waiting for her to make a decision. "I got the same thing." She sat back on her heels and shook her head. "Cass, this is going to hurt like a sonofabitch but we are going to have to flush the wounds or you won't heal the damage properly." I nodded and closed my eyes.

"This is new. Even if the blow doesn't kill us it weakens us. Effective." Jo laughed lightly making me look at her.

"Sorry, it's just...you know you got two holes in you and all you can say is, 'effective'?" She laughed a bit again and shook her head. Ellen chuckled as well and nodded.

Almost an hour later the wounds were cleaned, stitched and bandaged with copious amounts of what they had called Neosporin. The cleaning had taken the longest and hurt the most. They had thoroughly flushed the wounds and had finally had to resort to cutting away the bits that would not yield. I had told Ellen and Jo everything that had happened last night and what was coming our way. Both women were grim as they packed away the last of the medical supplies.

"Dean there are clean towels and rags there." She pointed to the small pile as she stood. "Clean him up a bit before you put him in the bed." She finally actually looked at him. "You can get him into the bed right?" He nodded and took the bowl filled with bloody water into the bathroom.

Both the women left right before Dean came back out with a steaming bowl of clean water. He knelt next to me where Ellen had sat and stared at me for a brief moment before he grabbed the edge of the towel covering me. I quickly grabbed his wrist and shook my head, heart in my throat.

"I will clean myself, Dean. It shouldn't be that hard." I don't know why I didn't want him to remove the towel and clean me but I just didn't. Flashes of the embarrassment on his face this morning made me look away from him.

"Let me help you, Cass. You got hurt pretty bad." I could hear in his voice what I didn't want to see on his face, hurt. Dammit! How was this about him? I tried to tell my body that this meant nothing to Dean, to behave itself. I swallowed hard and let go of his wrist.

 **Dean's POV**

I hesitated as Cass released his grip on my wrist. He still had his head turned to the side as I pulled the towel off of him. I ran my eyes over him from the sandy blonde hair on the top of his head down the strong jaw line and neck. His shoulders were broad and well muscled in a way that only physical labor could give you. His chest and stomach were chiseled valleys and plateaus providing new heights and depths for the tongue to explore. I looked away from him, closing my eyes and sucking in a slow breath. When I looked back he was looking at me. I had stared too long and wondered how much the angel had seen. I averted my eyes by grabbing a rag and submerging it in the bowl, ringing it out. I couldn't look at his eyes as I ran the rag along his hip around the bandaging then over the flat expanse of skin stretching between his hips. I watched the goosebumps rise behind my attentions. I forced my brain to shut off as I washed his stomach, chest, shoulders, thighs and finally I couldn't stay passive anymore. Did I wash his groin area or would that be implying that he was so helpless he couldn't even do that. I looked up to ask him and found him watching me patiently, waiting passively for me to make a decision. If I asked would he give me an answer? I wanted to, the need to continue burned through me. I broke the stare and dropped the wash rag back into the bowl. He turned his face away from me again. I caught a brief glimpse of the hurt in his eyes. I'd seen a look similar to that this morning and again when he'd looked away from me the first time. I didn't mean to keep hurting him. I stood and took the bowl back into the bathroom, rinsing it and the now pink rag out in the tub. When I walked back into the room Cass had rolled over and was on his hands and knees, crawling toward the bed. Lust and panic raced through me as I quickly moved to his side.

"What are you doing? You are going to bust a stitch. Why didn't you wait for me."

"I think I can do at least this on my own." The tone implied he was really saying, I don't need you. The truth of the matter was, almost all the time that was true. He had done everything on his own for thousands of years before I'd ever come into the picture. But not tonight. Tonight he needed me.

"Let me help you." He shrugged off my touch and pushed himself to his feet. He staggered and almost fell when I caught him. I helped him to the bed and sat him down gently. He pulled gingerly away from me and laid down on his back, lips straining in a thin line of pain.

"Please. Cass, what can I do to help?" The angel closed his eyes with an exhausted sigh and didn't answer for so long I thought he wouldn't.

I was ready to leave the room when Jo walked into the room. She froze seeing Cass stretched nude across the bed and then her eyes flicked over me and I looked down,realizing I had been naked this whole time. I thought about covering myself with my hands and then decided against it. She'd already seen it all, what good would it do? I did lean over the bed and pull the sheet and comforter up over Cass. I looked him over before turning around.

"I'll leave you to rest then." Jo rushed forward to get the bloody, soaked towels off the floor.

"Dean." We both froze at the tired, wanting tone in his voice. I turned around. "You really want to help me?" I nodded and he echoed the movement. "Sleep with me?" My heart stopped and then beat double time to catch up. I swallowed a couple times.

"Cass-" My voice came out deeper than it should have.

"I don't mean sex, Dean. Sleep, just sleep."

"What-" I stopped and cleared my voice. "How will that help you?"

"We are all God's creatures. As I once healed Ruby by wrapping you both in my grace so it works in reverse. It is not quite as effective, but it does speed the healing process a lot." I frowned.

"How? How does it work in reverse?" He sighed.

"Is it not enough to know that with you sleeping beside me I will heal faster?" I flushed and saw Jo glaring at me out of the corner of my eye. I turned so that I couldn't see her. Cass sighed, taking my silence as an answer. "Your vitality, your...soul, if you will shines brighter, is more vulnerable when you sleep. It emanates from you like heat from a fire. This is what will heal me. I will, in a sense, be borrowing your strength."

"So you'll be borrowing my life, my soul?"

"No. your soul is only your own unless you bargain it away. It is the essence of your vitality that I will bask in much like you and Ruby bathed in my grace."

"What do you need?" Jo asked as she stepped forward. The towels were gone from her hands and I didn't see them anywhere so she must have come and gone without me noticing. Cass looked at her.

"To simply sleep next to someone." She nodded.

"Okay." Something nasty reared up inside me.

"Jo-" She cut him off.

"You saved my life today, Cass. You've saved all of our asses too many times to count. It isn't too much to ask to sleep beside you." He smiled but shook his head.

"I meant it when I said it isn't as effective in reverse. For this to work it requires skin to skin contact. A lot of it." She shrugged and then her shirt was up and over her head, falling to the floor. She walked towards the bed and I felt myself moving forward.

"What are you doing?" She stopped and looked at me over her shoulder.

"What you aren't willing to do." I stared at the naked flesh of her stomach and breasts over the cups of her bra. She laughed, clocking the movement. "It is just skin. You have been walking around in nothing for a couple hours now." She unbuttoned her jeans and walked to the side of the bed Cass was closest to, stopping to kick off her jeans. I glared holes into Cass as he watched her strip down to just her underwear.

"Can you scoot over just a little bit?" Cass moved over so that he was in the center of the bed, his eyes never moved off of Jo. She stopped and made a gesture at her bra and panties. "Is this fine or…?" She let the question trail off. He smiled, eyes never leaving her.

"It should be sufficient." It sounded like he wouldn't mind what little she wore coming off. She seemed to catch that too because she smiled bashfully, averting her eyes down to the bed.

He seemed to be cataloguing every detail about her. She slid into the bed next to him, snuggling the covers up and over her as she cozied into him. He lifted his arm, putting it around her so that she laid her head on his shoulder. It just so happened to be the uninjured one. I was fuming and had no idea why. Cass sighed, eyes sliding shut as they both got settled. I must have moved or made some noise because they both looked at me.

"You could join, Dean. It would be more effective with two instead of one." I was simmering with rage and Cass must have known it. "Be childish if you want, but do it elsewhere. I do not have the patience for your bull shit tonight. The offer was originally extended to you. Either join us or leave." The tone was so empty of anything but contempt it made the already biting words scathing.

I blinked in shock. Cass rarely ever cursed but when he did you could always tell he was truly fed up. The angel's eyes were glittering with his anger and his words still burned in my ears. I was still pissed but he had a point. He was the one injured. I was fine. I swallowed my rage and walked towards the bed. Both of them watched me as I came. They had both been right. I'd been childish. I slid into the bed beside him angling my upper body away from his arm and shoulder, using my arm as a pillow. I slid my leg over his thigh, parting his legs a bit so I my lower leg could rest between his. The inside of my thigh rested a little below his hip. My cock pressed into the side of his hip, giving a twitch as if it liked where it was. As soon as I was settled a silence fell over the three of us.

"What now?" I asked. He looked at me.

"You sleep." As if to emphasize his point he closed his eyes even though I knew angels did not sleep.

I snuggled in closer to him, stretching my arm across his stomach. My hand brushed up the length of Jo's arm that was draped just above his hips. I rested my hand in that so cherished curve between her hip and ribs. Some tension I hadn't noticed was there went out of the both of them. We lay there like that for a half hour before a light snore, a soft sound like you'd hear a baby make, announced Jo's deep sleep. My mind wandered back through what had gotten us here.

 _The water ran down over my head and body, washing away the morning after regret and the events from only minutes before. I shivered, remembering the feeling of him. Suddenly glass shattered, too much for a broken plate, I never would have heard that. I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, nearly slipping when the first gunshot rang out. I ran from the bathroom, flinging the bedroom door open. The sounds of battle greeted me as I ran for the stairs. I realized too late that I hadn't stopped to so much as grab a weapon. I ran head long into who knows what empty handed. I rounded the corner to see Ellen rolling an already dead man over, straddling him as she wiped his brains from her eyes. The warning was already coming to my lips as she was tackled to the ground. I spun when Rufus was slammed back against a bookshelf from a mean haymaker to the face. His shotgun went off and the man jerked with the impact but didn't go down. Jo went flying, body smashing through a wooden chair. The woman was suddenly on to of her. I ran and knew with a sinking feeling that I wouldn't get there in time. I dove for the woman as she palmed a chair leg. Please, let me make it. Something crashed into me in mid air sending me spiraling across the floor, coming to a stop against the wall. I rolled over, getting only to my hands and knees as the woman spitted Jo with the chair leg. The scream tore out of my throat, a long throaty scream of agony as I watched Jo gasp for air she couldn't find._

" _DEAN!" Ellen screamed for me like I was the one dying._

 _She didn't know it was her daughter that had just been gutted. I launched myself at the woman, knocking her off as she angled the chair leg upward to take Jo's heart. I rocked the woman's head back into the ground, grabbing her by the throat ready to continue beating in her head until it split open, spilling its contents into the floor. My vision was stolen as a blinding white light filled the room. Screams tore through me, so loud. They were so loud. I covered my ears, squeezing my eyes shut as the woman beneath me seized. It felt like the screams were flaying pieces of my mind. Then it was over. The woman beneath me was dead, eyes charred, empty, smoking pits in her face. Jo. I scrambled toward her on hands and knees as fast I could, pulling her into my lap. Oh god. No! Please, no!_

"Dean." Cass' voice brought me back to myself with a jolt. He was staring at me as if he knew.

"We almost lost Jo today."

"But we didn't." I shook my head. That wasn't the point.

"Those were angels, Cass. Angels. Angels almost stole her from us. Not demons, not humans, angels." He nodded add if he knew how that sounded. I swallowed a few times and fought the burn at the back of my throat. "I thought-" I had to stop and just breathe for a moment. "I thought I...we were going to lose you too." A small smile graced just the corners of his lips.

"I know. But we are all still here."

"Today. What about tomorrow?"

"That is tomorrow's business. Today we are all still here. Victory is ours this day."

"Survival shouldn't be a victory." He smiled a sad, I've seen too much, smile.

"Survival is what life is about, Dean. In essence it is the only victory that matters." I frowned, thinking about that. He genuinely smiled which brought a smile of my own. "Sleep, Dean." I nodded and snuggled down.

I tried to shut my brain off. A warm soothing feeling wrapped around me and I finally felt my muscles begin to relax. As the last muscle unclenched I began to realize something was weird. The bed felt like it was cradling me, the pillow that was suddenly under my head was light and soft, the blankets like a layer of silken warmth hugging me. Where my leg rested on Cass' I felt a low vibration like a distant hum. His skin was warm and welcoming against me and I sighed as the feeling of his body against mine gave me that amazing feeling of being safe and loved. Sleep sucked at the edges of reality.

 _Cass' hands roamed all over my body his finger traced teasing circles around my nipple making me breathe hard. Then his thumb ran over the taut peaks drawing a throaty noise from me. Suddenly he pinched my nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger sending threads of pleasure through me. I moaned, arching my back and clutching at the sheets. Then he switched nipples, repeating the process, drawing another moan from me._

 _He stopped and my body fell limply back against the mattress as if the life had left out of me with his touch. My whole body ached with need. I needed him to touch me. He stared down at me, breathing hard, running just his fingertips down my chest and stomach. His eyes glowed with a need reflecting my own, lips parted and so full, kissable. The thought of tasting that so pink mouth was so vivid my lips tingled. He looked away from my eyes to gaze down at my body. His fingers trailed just under the band of my jeans, dipping his fingers further under making me wriggle my hips. Cass moved so that he was propped on his elbow, tracing his fingers up and down the seam running along the inside of my thigh like he was unsure. I thought I was going to explode if he didn't touch me soon. My cock hurt from the need, seizing within its confines. He finally slid his hand up so that his fingers pressed against me through the denim. I arched my back, rotating my hips so that he was cupping me. I cried out and he moaned. I knew I'd never forget that sound. He used his thumb and forefinger to trace along the hard outline of my cock under the pants, throwing my head back as a near painful wave of desire tore through me, making me moan and search frantically with my hands for something to hold onto._

" _Please-" I gasped for air. Cass stared at me for only a second and then the heat in his eyes intensified._

" _Undo them for me." His usually gruff voice was deeper, a husky, sexual growl. My hands instantly fumbled at the jeans, small noises escaping me._

"Dean-" Cass moaned my name. I frowned. I didn't remember that.

 _Cass moaned as my cock sprang free of the jeans and he began tugging slightly at the jeans, sliding them further down my hips. He stared at me and hesitated briefly before running the pads of his fingertips along my aching cock. I gasped and then Cass' hand was around me, simultaneously squeezing just enough and not nearly enough. As if pulled by strings my body bowed off the bed and I cried out loud enough that it was more like a quiet scream._

"Dean!" Cass' cry was filled with pleasure.

I didn't remember this either. Suddenly a woman moaned loudly, a deep, throaty purr and I snapped back, eyes opening wide. I gasped as pleasure sang through me, desire hot on its coattails. Cass was writhing, Jo moved sliding her body on top of the angel's so that a thigh was on both sides of his hips, her upper body in a push up position above him. Her knee was wedge between Cass and I. Her eyes were closed and a small frown furrowed its way between her brows as if she were concentrating on something.

 _Cass straddled my thighs, as if to pull my pants up but instead he ran his fingers down the gleaming length of my cock._

Jo and Cass both moaned drawing me back to the here and now. Cass' hands gripped Jo's hips as she moved against him. One of his hands moved up her side. She leaned into him and he curled his upper body up to meet her. I saw it coming. I knew they were going to kiss. I had all the time in the world to stop it and oddly enough knew I couldn't.

Cass' fingers entwined in all that long blonde hair and then something went through me like an electric shock. I knew we had all felt it as our cries echoed each-other. Whatever might or might not have happened didn't matter any longer as I felt our desire mingle and something within us all snapped. That invisible line that separated controlled violence and pure chaos fractured spilling us from one extreme to the next.

Cass and Jo's lips met and the world shattered until it was just us.

 **A/N- Damn. I wrote some things not even I was expecting in that chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. Can't wait to hear some of your reactions! See ya soon, lovelies!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N-** **Hey, ya'll! It has been a long time since my last update but I finally got some time to sit down and write a little bit so here is my first chapter of the new year! I hope you all had some amazing holidays! Enjoy and talk to me, folks, I don't bite...much.**

 **Disclaimer-** **Graphic Violence, intense sexual content and language**

 **Castiel's POV**

The world was gone in a rush of hands, lips and sounds of pleasure. For the life of me I can't remember the first few moments. A heavy warmth, like a really thick blanket, wrapped around us all. Where we touched each other electric sparks of pleasure zipped through that warmth surrounding us. Jo's bare breasts pushed into my chest, lips and tongue moving against me, inside of me. I- wait... _bare breasts?_ Wasn't she wearing underwear at some point? I groaned into her mouth as she lightly bit my lower lip. Something in the back of my mind was screaming at me, _This isn't right! Something is wrong!_ But it was washed away in the tide of pleasure.

I found my hands wrapping around her waist, pulling her body flush against mine as I eagerly explored her mouth with my own. I slid one hand up her spine into the thick warmth of all that long blonde hair. I balled my hand in it and pulled on it until her mouth broke free from mine with a moan. Her fingernails dug into the flesh of my shoulders as I pulled on her hair until her spine bowed her body away from me in one long, graceful arc. Her breasts rose and fell rapidly with every ragged inhale she fought for. I could feel a wet warmth between where our groins pressed into each other as she began to roll her hips against me, searing me with jolts of pleasure where our most intimate parts rubbed together. I followed the rise and fall of her breasts with my eyes and licked my lips before leaning in to take one pink nipple into my mouth. Suddenly I was blinded by a flashback.

 _I rolled my mouth over him, sucking and licking, feeling his massive, hard length forced down my throat. He said my name over and over like a prayer. A fine trembling ran through his entire body, his legs twitching, fingers tensing in my hair. I loved the feeling of the impossible combination of hard muscle and incredibly soft skin, sliding in and out of my mouth. Dean's body jerked hard against me, forcing his cock even farther into my throat, my teeth biting into the base of him for a second before I opened my mouth wider to keep from hurting him. He cried out louder and I just went with the moment. I pulled away from him slowly, shoving his hips against the mattress and dragging my teeth lightly up his length ending by rolling my tongue around the head of his cock. He cried out my name again before I sucked him back down, stealing his air. He cried out, hips jerking forward, hand tightening almost painfully in my hair._

" _Oh GOD!" He shouted._

Dean's scream in reality shattered the memory. Dean's body shook and gleamed with a fine sheet of sweat as he rolled his eyes up, staring directly into my eyes with a curious look. He looked confused and hungry for carnal things done in the most secret of places, but underneath it all was fear. This scared him. That thought brought me back enough that I could feel how wet and warm it was where Jo and I were almost joined. The head of my cock was a hairsbreadth away from the warmth of her entrance. I could feel the tight muscles lightly cupping the tip of me with each tremulous inhale. Jo moaned piteously and her body writhed against me and only the fierce grip I had on her hair kept me from sheathing myself inside her.

It would be so easy to just let her go. I knew it would be hot, wet and tight. I knew her body would welcome me as I thrust inside, took her over. I knew in ways I had no experience to prove that I would love taking what she offered. It would feel amazing. And it would be so easy, which is what made me want to take it more. I knew I could love her in that moment. I could soften this and make it slow and thorough. I also knew with a surety I'd never had before that I could fuck her, own her. In that moment I could do anything I wanted to her and she would not tell me no. I moaned and closed my eyes and a wall within me I hadn't known existed began to crumble as I rotated my hips so that the tip of me pressed against her opening. Dean and Jo both cried out and a second later I echoed them. I angled and knew I was going to thrust into her, somewhere in the back of my head I knew, but it was as if my mind had truly separated from my body. Jo cried out above me and her nails dug in a little more. She was so ready. I wanted her. I began to push my hips forward, the head of my cock sliding so easily inside her. We both moaned. She was so hot and wet. It felt wonderful.

A hand in my hair tore me away from Jo who was pulled backwards to fall on the bed. I was shoved forward, catching my weight in a push up position above Jo. Dean pressed his lower body flush against the back of me, cock sliding easily between my butt cheeks, unbelievably slick with something. I went to move to see what he was doing but his hand on the back of my head shoved my face down until it was cradled between the flesh of Jo's breasts. Her fingers scraped along my scalp as she palmed a handful of hair I wanted to move but didn't. My legs were shoved apart, consequently pushing Jo's legs that were on either side of my hips further apart as well. I gasped, stomach twisting, cock twitching between us in anticipation. She wriggled beneath me, staring down the line of our bodies to where we were both spread eager, both gleaming in the dull lighting where we were wet with desire. I looked into her eyes from inches away, and the kiss just seemed natural. I let myself get lost in her kiss, the way her lips and tongue felt against mine as we both waited for something, anything to make the fire burning us alive to extinguish. She almost screamed into my mouth and her fingers dug into my back. I broke the kiss to see her eyes sliding closed, mouth parted as she moaned. I went to look down.

"Don't." His voice was thick and throaty with sex. I froze. "Kiss her." I did.

My mouth found hers again and I swallowed her moans. I knew she was getting close. Her fingernails broke skin in my shoulders, body rolling against mine, she fought for air and then she screamed. Her scream vibrated down my spine like it was a tuning fork, spearing in a hot line of pleasure that was almost painful into my cock. I moaned and ate at her mouth as if the screams were a solid thing and I were a starving man. Her body bucked underneath me and I knew I'd be bleeding where her fingernails cut at me. Something about the whole situation just did it for me. A great weight filled my stomach and a huge pressure pushed against my skin, stretching at the confines of my body. It felt like my pleasure was so great I would just explode. I needed to get away from it. I broke from Jo's mouth with a scream of my own and began to move my body in almost wild movements.

I was angling myself to shove my way inside Jo when fingers closed around me and I screamed. My body arched backwards and I felt the solid push of Dean's chest and stomach against my back. His arm wrapped around my chest, stretching my body in a long line against his as he stroked me. My whole body jerked and spasmed as his fingers squeezed, caressed and teased me until I screamed again for him. I was shoved down on top of Jo so hard and suddenly that it took a moment for me to regain myself enough to try and push off her. Dean pushed his groin into my behind grinding my cock into Jo's wet heat. Without further encouragement I began to slide against her. Her hands found my hips and tried to get me to complete the motion, to push inside her. I stopped when Dean shoved my face back down into Jo again.

I froze, feeling the hard, weight of his erection pushing against my ass. Please, please, please, please. I wanted him so bad that a scream built at the back of my throat, threatening to break free. He rubbed the head of his cock around my entrance again and again as if asking permission. Please, please, please, please. It wasn't until my hips pushed back against him almost on their own volition and he chuckled that I realized I had been begging aloud. I was slick now where he had been rubbing against me. My cock was throbbing viciously, hanging painfully swollen beneath me. I was about to cry from frustration when he pushed into me. I moaned loudly. It was only the smallest bit of him, not even the entire head of his cock, just half of it. I wanted more and I didn't think I'd survive the wait. I shoved myself backwards trying to force more of him inside of me but he jerked his hips away from me, the tiny bit of him that had been inside me now gone again. I shouted in frustration.

"You have to take it easy you'll-" I shook my head violently and rolled my body with the wave of anticipation that washed through me.

"Want it now. No wait." A look crossed his face briefly.

"It will hurt." He shook his head.

I didn't want to talk. I wanted to fuck. There was no kinder, gentler way of putting what I wanted. I willed myself to be calm. I didn't bother to try and explain. I simply lowered my face and upper body to the mattress until my chest was flat against the coverlet. I felt horribly exposed with my butt up in the air like an offering but the moan Dean rewarded me with gave me some of my confidence back. I slid my arm down underneath my body and took a firm grip on my cock, slick with sex already. My eyes slid shut and I moaned as my spine spasmed slightly. Dean made some sound low in his throat that made my heart race and then he was there. He pushed a little into me and I stopped breathing. This was it. I had one of those moments where time seems to slow down. I had plenty of time to tell him to stop, to redirect what was about to happen. I screamed as he thrust into me, hands scrambling at the bedding as I searched for something to hold me to this plane of existence. It felt like I had slipped free of my body for a few moments.

When I could breath I realized he had stopped, fully sheathed inside me. He was right. It had hurt. It had hurt pretty badly. But it had also felt so amazing, like the pain intensified it. I think Dean was about to ask if I was okay but I ground against him earning a hiss in return. He took my offering and then there was no time, no air for words. He thrust his full length into me from tip to base in a long, continuous movement that had me crying out for him. I wanted, needed more. I thrust back against him harder and I felt his surprise when his rhythm stuttered. Once again he took me at my word. He pulled out of me until I thought he'd fall completely out then he slammed into me. I screamed for him and we both found a rhythm, both of us fucking the other. All I could hear was the sound of our bodies colliding, our moans and my blood rushing through my head as I felt that pressure building again. My rhythm stuttered as the muscles in my body began to tighten, my breathing becoming frantic. Dean shoved my face into the bed with a hand on the back of my neck and he fully took over. This angle was impossibly deep and I was struggling to breathe. And then between one thrust and the next my body shattered. I screamed as fast as I could pull air in, body bucking and thrashing into the bed as Dean kept a punishing rhythm going. My pleasure poured from my body in hot, thick streams and throaty screams. I heard Dean's ragged breathing and then he screamed soundlessly as he poured himself inside me. His hips bucked into me and I fought and bucked underneath him as release came for me again.

I came to with Dean laying on his side, eyes closed, panting for air. My eyes fluttered shut and when I opened them again Dean was gone. Jo sat next to me on the bed, running her fingers through my tousled hair. I had a moment to panic. Where was Dean? Then my eyes shut again. The next time I opened them I was laying cuddled between Jo in front and Dean at my back. This time when my eyes closed the deep dark tide of exhaustion swept over and sucked me down.

 **Dean's POV**

The neon red numbers of the clock next to the bed said it was 4:47. The darkness is always the darkest right before the dawn. The room was thick with shadows and the house was quiet. I lay there just listening, trying to figure out what had woken me. It had to of been something. I heard the soft sound of someone else breathing and felt the rise and fall of a chest to accompany the comforting sound. I realized with a start that it was Jo's naked body cuddled up next to mine. Where was Cass? I closed my eyes to prevent myself from searching the room for things I couldn't see and instead tried to force a false sense of calm so that I could listen. A quiet rustling a little behind me made the skin between my shoulder blades tighten and itch with the urge to turn and look. I was unarmed and naked with a just as vulnerable Jo in front of me and one M.I.A. angel. Things were not looking good. I tensed when a louder noise like a shoe shuffling against the floor sounded, closer than the last noise. I prepared myself to turn and launch.

"Calm down." A jolt almost like a physical shot went through me at the gruff baritone of Cass' voice not three feet behind me. "It's just me." The tension slipped away slowly as the adrenaline left me on the tails of shaky laughter.

I let myself calm down fully before rolling over to face him. It took me a few minutes of staring but I could just barely make out the line of his jaw and neck in the dim red light from the clock. The rest of him was lost to the ink black shadows of the room. It shouldn't have surprised me that he was awake. Angels don't sleep. But I could swear he had been asleep earlier. He chuckled lightly and chills crept along my skin. I remembered another time where Sam had done the same thing. I remembered the way it felt to have him answer questions I had yet to ask aloud. He had laughed too. That all knowing laugh, the one that really pissed me off. I pushed that aside for later evaluation.

"I thought you were passed out earlier."

"I was." I frowned at the red shadowed outline of his face and neck.

"But I thought angels don't sleep."

"We don't have the need to fall asleep but we can exhaust ourselves to the point of losing consciousness." I raised an eyebrow at that.

"So you can be knocked out or pass out but you can't just fall asleep."

"Yes."

"Huh." I thought about that for a moment then laughed softly.

Jo rolled over just then, pressing the full length of her naked body against my back. Her arm slid over me, resting just above my hips. It was then that I realized the sheet was covering barely any of either of us. I thought about grabbing the sheet but when Jo wriggled against me, getting as close as she could, I decided against it. So, I lay in front of him with my naked body exposed and fought to look unfazed. I didn't know if he had super night vision or anything like Sam had but I wasn't taking any chances.

"So how do you knock out an angel?" He was silent for a moment.

"Until last night I would have said it was a difficult, unpleasant process." I could hear the smile in his voice and couldn't help but to join him. I laughed softly, trying not to wake Jo. Then I realized Cass had just made a joke and the effort to laugh without waking Jo got twice as difficult. I didn't pry at the answer. I stared at the red line of his Jaw and throat.

"You glowed." I said it before I could think better of it. He was silent for what felt like a long time.

"What do you mean?" I smiled, remembering the way his skin glowed a dull blue as if a fire danced and cast shadows just under his skin.

 _I was mesmerized as the light flickered out from him, bright enough to cast shadows of our joined bodies on the walls. I watched every muscle in his back ripple and roll beneath that beautiful skin as he rode back against me. I cried out and fought to keep my eyes on Cass. I wanted to see everything. He cried out beneath me as I rolled my hips into him rubbing over and over that spot that made me see stars. Cass slammed his hips back into mine and I stuttered for a second, a thread of fear slicing through me and then Cass let out a guttural moan and I did what he wanted._

It felt like someone or something pushed the memory away, squashed it down. I was back in my own skin, panting for air. Cass had moved so that the bare contour of his face that I'd seen before was gone. I heard him breathing heavily but couldn't see him. Cass did not ask again what I meant and I knew that he had seen and maybe felt some if not all of what I had just relived. Cass' voice when it came was calm, giving nothing away.

"Sleep. When you and Jo wake up we have to figure out how to stop the apocalypse." I felt my eyebrows reach for the heavens and a surprised burst of laughter forced me to put my hand to my mouth.

"Well. When you say it like that, Cass there's really no room for argument."

I didn't say aloud that just hearing him say it aloud made me get that hollow feeling in the pit of my being. Another war, more fear, bravado, death and tragedy. I didn't say that I thought this war was going to be the end of me. I didn't tell him I just hoped that my death meant something. I shrugged it off and allowed Jo's steady, deep breaths to lull me back to the peaceful place I was before. The tides of sleep sucked at the sands of my mind. The warm calming press of Jo behind me eased a tension I hadn't noticed before it seeped out of me. But it was the knowledge, the final thought that an angel watched over me that let sleep take me.

 **...Somewhere In Massachusetts...**

I was so wet, so utterly cold. The type of cold that gets into the marrow of your bones and makes you ache. The freezing rain pelted the bare flesh of my arms and face, forcing me to squint and blink away the water. The mud that had clung to my skin was washing away on the crystalline edge of each frozen drop. I shivered in bone jarring spasms as I walked bare foot across the hard, black asphalt. Where was I? I shuffled down the road hoping beyond hope for this godforsaken rain to stop.

Suddenly bright lights blinded me and I screamed, hiding from the heat of of the flames behind my arms. I heard a terrible screeching noise followed by the sound of impact and the death scream of a horrific beast. I slowly lowered my arms, searching for the flames that were sure to try to scorch me. I saw the red tail lights of the car that had been damn near crushed to half its size from plowing into a Chrysler building size oak tree doing eighty. I stumbled on numb feet over the road to the wreckage. Whoever had been in the passenger seat was nothing but so much ground-beef. I dragged the larger man out of the front seat. I hauled him under his shoulders, falling backwards under his weight. The frozen ground beneath my bare skin made me hiss and I shoved the man off me as I lurched to my feet. I almost fell on top of the man, the numbness was creeping up my legs making simply standing unsteady.

I fell to my knees beside him and the impact didn't even register. I began tugging at his clothes, removing them as fast as my fingers would go. The pants were the hardest part. My fingers didn't seem to like going through the nuances of taking jeans off. I pulled each piece of clothing on as I removed them. There was blood on the chest of the shirt and a little on the inside of the jacket but I didn't care. When I was as dressed as I could possibly get I knelt next to the man and looked down at the nearly nude length of his body. I took in the details, contours, lines of his body and knew he was dead. He wasn't asleep or knocked out. Just dead. I don't know how I could always tell the difference between sleep and death. There was something missing, something that makes us what we are. Death has a signature and it was stamped pretty clearly across the exposed corpse of the man next to me. I hadn't even bothered to check for a pulse. I simply hadn't cared. Even dressed in his clothes and staring down at him having pulled him from the wreckage I still didn't care. Nor did I care that I didn't care. I looked at him and felt a resounding silence. Nothing. Empty. No. I distantly felt pity. Pity for the thing I had allowed myself to become. I turned away, leaving my pity party with the corpse. I slowly walked down the highway and turned, searching for the license plate in the red glare from the tail lights. Massachusetts.

As I turned around and began moving forward I had only one thought running through my head. _Dean Winchester._ Who the hell was Dean Winchester?

 **Three and a Half Weeks Later**

 **Ellen's POV**

Dean sailed in a marvelous arch through the air coming to a crashing stop on the flat of his back. His breath exploded out of him and his back arched as he fought to gasp in a lungful of air. His foot was moving towards Dean's face and I knew he wasn't going to move in time. I almost screamed and then Dean rolled to his left, trying to use his weight and momentum to leg sweep him.

"Get up." The words were harmless enough, is he hadn't all but snarled them. He stomped twice more, each one closer to Dean, chasing him to his feet.

Dean had just rolled to his feet and had time to see the next hit coming enough to start bringing his arms up and take a step back. He was too slow. The fist smashed into his face hard enough to drop him to his knees.

"Up." Dean spit a mouthful of blood onto the floor and gasped a few times for air before he threw himself backwards to dodge the kick that had been aimed at his chest.

"Get up and fight!" He moved in a blur of speed that sent Dean spiraling to the floor. He just barely kept his head from connecting and then he was flying again. He crashed into the far wall hard enough to shake the floor. Dean held up one hand in a quiet plea for mercy.

"Cass!" he coughed and spit up another mouthful of blood.

The angel stopped almost in mid-step. Dean looked up at the man from his hands and knees, blood trailing down his chin, spattered across his chest. I saw something flinch through his eyes as he stared at the angel. I would have paid a substantial sum to get a glimpse at the face that chased such fear through Dean's eyes. It shocked me that Cass scared Dean. The air was tense between the two of them and I don't think Dean so much as breathed. His face began to change colors and still he didn't breathe. Cass suddenly spun on his heel and strutted off in the opposite direction. It was only then that I heard Dean take a gasping breath. I watched his chest rise and fall rapidly to make up for the lack of oxygen.

Almost a month ago Cass had gotten the idea to start training us all as heaven trains its soldiers. So consequently, he has been kicking our ass everyday for the last three weeks. I walked over and offered my hand to Dean who hadn't moved from where he had fallen. He took my help and I hauled him to his feet. We both shook out our sore muscles and shrugged. It was a very bro-code way of saying yeah, we saw the train barreling down the tracks toward us. No, we didn't know how to get off the rails in time. We turned around and both ducked into a crouch at the same time right as a body flew over where our heads had just been. Jo hit the side of a cabinet with a squeal of metal. I dove to the left in time to dodge Cass' sweeping kick. Dean moved slower and caught the impact across his ribs jacking his body a few inches off the floor. Bobby must have rushed Cass because the angel threw him in a high arced, text book perfect shoulder throw. I heard more than saw Rufus hit the ground. I looked back in time to see him falling face first, but not to see what had happened. I felt the air shift beside me a second too late. Then I was blinking up at the ceiling, attempting to relearn how to breathe for the second time in less than twenty minutes.

"Get up." I lifted my head, looking up to see everyone rolling around on the floor, nursing cuts, bruises, broken bones. "Get. Up." I shivered at the scalding wave of command in his voice and a sliver of fear shot along my spine.

I stood, wobbling on my two feet rather unsteadily. His eyes locked onto me the instant I began to move. I swallowed and moved towards him. He never moved, but I knew if he wanted, I could be dead before I finished subliminally contemplating taking my next step. I held my hands out in front of me in a silent plea for him to see me as anything but a threat. He followed every movement and then I saw the hostility drain away. What made Cass who he was flooded back into his eyes and my shoulders slumped in relief. He stared at me for a moment longer before turning like he was going to walk into the house.

"Pick yourselves up and meet me in the kitchen." He moved swiftly into the house and the door closed silently behind him.

A collective sigh went through all of us and one by one they all stood. We shuffled into the house where he healed us all individually. We ate a small lunch and as I took the final mouthful of water from my cup Cass walked back into the room. I could feel everyone tense and wait for him to speak.

"Rest for fifteen more minutes then I want to see all of you out back." Rufus and Bobby shook there heads almost simultaneously. It was Jo who stood and said something.

"No." Cass stopped in mid motion, turning his head to look very calmly at Jo. I watched a very blank look, the one we had all come to hate, that said he was about to fuck someone up. I didn't see him move but he was suddenly just standing in front of Jo. She made a small startled yip and moved a little too fast in an attempt to get away from him, tripping over the chair she'd been sitting in. She started to fall but never made it. Cass' hand lashed out lightning quick and he jacked her forward into him with a fist clenched in the cloth of her shirt. He stared into her eyes from an inch away. None of us knew how to handle this new Cass. We all watched in shock, not knowing what the angel would do next.

"Cass, come on. We just got our asses kicked for the past three hours. We need a break." Her voice was a little breathy with an edge of fear that we all had when dealing with this militant Cass.

"Do you think when the ranks of heaven and hell descend upon us they will go half as easy on you as I have?"

"Easy?" Jo echoed my incredulity perfectly. He'd been redecorating the house with our sweat and blood for weeks now, and this was easy? He ignored her and continued.

"No. They. Will. Kill. You. All." Each word was clipped with a quiet rage that made me hold my breath. He let go and moved away from her so suddenly that she fell backwards on her ass, hitting the floor with a little oomph of surprise. His hot gaze roved over us all before he moved for the back door again.

"Twelve minutes." He called out over his shoulder before the very final click of the door latching sounded. We all let out a collective sigh and Dean helped Jo off the floor. She looked at me and the look seemed to plead for me to do something. I held my hands up like people do to show they are unarmed and made a pushing away gesture while shaking my head.

"Hell no. I'm not taking that bullet. He's your lover." Jo's mouth opened and closed several times as if she couldn't find the right words.

"He's not my lover." She finally mumbled. I frowned at her.

"I am many things Joanna Beth. Naive has not been on that list for many years now." I knew the sounds I had heard coming from that room. Some of those sounds, namely the ones made by Jo, had chased me out of the house. Jo's face flushed but as her eyes began to glow with the start of a good rage I couldn't tell if it was from that or embarrassment.

"We are not lovers." Then surprisingly she breezed past me and out the back door. I looked at Dean and the disbelief must have been written across my forehead. He shook his head, moving forward until he stood in front of me.

"They aren't lovers."

"But-" He shook his head again.

"There was barely any contact between them. They were..." He floundered for words and for the first time in years I watched a blush ripen his cheeks. "There was sensual contact but it wasn't sex. Not really." He walked quickly away from me towards the sink and shuddered at having gotten too much information while still being puzzled.

I physically shook the whole thing off and grabbed my plate and glass, going to the sink. I drowned another glass of water and trudged outside to meet Drill Sargent Castiel and the ass whooping he had prepared.

 **Dean's POV**

I sat on the edge of my bed in nothing but a towel, shoulders slumped in exhaustion. A cold splash of water dripped down onto my shoulder from my hair, which I hadn't bothered to cut since- I cut that line of thought off with a violent shake of my head, sprinkling my neck, shoulders and chest with more cold water. I stood up and ripped the towel away from where it rested on my hips, raking it harshly along my scalp. I scrubbed the towel through the wet locks of my hair as if I could erase the happenings of the last couple months. I threw the towel against the wall, flopping back onto the bed. A knock at the door made jump.

"Dean?" Jo's voice came through the door, tentative as if unsure of her welcome. I stared at the door long enough that she knocked lightly again.

"Come in." My voice sounded gruff even to me.

The door opened and she stood framed by the pale light from the bathroom. We had all started leaving it on like we were afraid of the doom and gloom coming towards us with every passing night. Or maybe that was just me projecting. She took a step in then hesitated before turning around, easing the door shut behind her. She leaned back against the door, her hands behind her pressed into the wood by her body weight.

"What's up?" She stared at me for a long moment before I looked down at myself realizing I was still naked.

I blush burned its way up my neck and I grabbed the sheet, the only thing other than the pillow on my bed. She watched me pull it over my lap. Her hair was still wet from the shower she had taken right before me. A thick silence fell around us. The tiny shorts and camisole tank top she wore were the only things that distracted the eye from the dull glow of the moonlight coming through the window on all that smooth, tanned flesh.

"Jo?" She did one of those long, slow blinks that people do when they were either in shock or coming back to themselves from some distant reverie. I didn't know what was wrong and I fought the urge to get up and go to her, my nakedness helped make that fight just a little easier. I waited, patiently for her to speak when what I really wanted to do was shake it out of her.

"I can feel it coming." It was my turn to blink at her.

"You can feel what coming?" She shook he head.

"The way he acted today," She shook her head again. "He was so relentless, so powerful, so...ruthless." I didn't have to ask who she was talking about. I nodded. I had never seen Cass so out of control, almost manic. They way he had beaten and abused us today was a new level of ass whooping. Jo's eyes were distant with memory and again I knew what she was remembering.

 _Cass threw her over his shoulder, slamming her into the ground with his hand still gripping her arm. The impact bowed her spine and I saw her eyes widen as she fought to breathe. In a move almost too fast to see he twisted his body so that his knee was planted in her chest, his grip on her arm not lessening but shifting. He brought her arm down on the knee of his outstretched leg. If she had the air to scream she would have but only a thick noise at the back of her throat punctuated the snap of her arm. She went to bring her knee up into his ribs but he was suddenly gone. She rolled just in time to avoid the foot aimed at where her chest would have been. He snatched her off the ground with a hand on her throat dangling her in the air so that her own weight was choking her. He held her for a second while she struggled with her one good arm to try and hit him, but her arms were too short. He threw her across the room and when she connected with the wall it gave so that for a second plaster rained down on her and the wall cradled her while her head connected with a meaty thunk. Before she could slip to the ground he was there, hand holding her up by the throat, pressing her back into the wall. I saw movement in my peripherals but I didn't care. I was limping towards them, trying to stop him or at least distract him. I saw her lips moving but she had no air to form words. I couldn't tell you what it was, some tension in the muscles, some obscure movement I couldn't pinpoint, but I knew he was about to seriously hurt her._

" _CASS!" The scream felt like broken glass as it exploded up my throat. I raised my hand to cradle my throat instinctively and knew he had damaged something. His head moved enough so that he could look at me and I flinched at the ferocity burning there. A small part of me was wishing I hadn't drawn his attention. It told me I was about to die and cursed my stupidity. The larger part of me knew that I couldn't let him hurt Jo anymore. Her face was turning colors from lack of oxygen._

" _Cass." I meant to sound fierce but my voice was a broken whisper that hurt coming out. "Cass, you're going to kill her." He just stared at me, never moving. "Cass, please!" I gestured at Jo somewhat frantically with the arm that wasn't dislocated._

 _He turned slowly to look at her. I watched him lean in to her so that he looked into her face from inches away. Tears slipped from the corner of her eyes and for a moment I thought he wouldn't let her go. I prepared myself to launch at him and then just like that he was standing across the room and Jo crashed to the floor in a heap. She took one screaming inhale followed by a thick bout of coughing that spattered the ground with her blood. I went to her and forced her head up to survey the damage. Tears poured down her face but she met my eyes. A shot of red ran through her left eye where a blood vessel had broken, but it was the terror I saw that stopped me cold._

"He's scared." Her voice tore me free of the memory and I shivered before looking at her again.

"What?"

"He's scared, Dean." My eyebrows reached for the heavens and I almost laughed.

" _He's_ scared?" I shook my head. "He's one scary motherfucker to go up against, but he didn't look all that scared to me. More like pissed." She looked at the floor.

"That level of rage only comes from a few things, Dean. Fear is definitely one of them. He was mad with it earlier."

"How many wars do you think he has fought, Jo? If we don't want this, just try to imagine how he feels." She shook her head harder this time and looked up at me. Half of her face was in shadow, the other lit by the moonlight.

"I saw it, Dean. When he-" She stopped and swallowed before continuing, "When I thought he was going to kill me and he looked at me I saw it. He's so scared, Dean, so scared." I just stared at her. She slid down the door until her but touched the floor, her knees pulled in against her chest. In that moment I felt so tired. I so didn't want to go through this again. I shook my head and sighed, staring at the sheet in my lap.

"I would do anything to avert all this Jo. I don't think all of me will make it through this again."

"Really." Her voice was flat, emotionless. "How about you think of someone else for once, Dean." A flash of anger lit through me and I looked at her sitting on the floor by the door. The anger I saw in her eyes stopped me.

"You know, of all of us Cass is the one who always gets the short end of the stick. We've all lost so much. But since we have known him, Cass has always been the one to pick up the pieces." A shine of tears glittered in her eyes but the rage was still there. "When Ash...when he died and the rest of us were in hysterics he was the one who-" She swallowed so hard I heard it, "he was the one who went down there and picked up every piece, cleaned up all the blood and gore of what was left of our friend and gave Ash the beautiful funeral he deserved."

"Jo-" She stood in a movement so abrupt that it made me rotate on the bed so I could see her better and immediately wished I hadn't. The rage and accusation in her eyes made me want to be anywhere else.

"Then when Sam went nuclear-" I flinched but she never stopped her tirade. "Cass was the one who went back in to get your ass. He was the last one to see Sam. He is the one who saw what happened in that fucking church." She took a couple steps into the room and I watched her, tears stinging my eyes. "He is the one who coddled you while you pretended you were the only one who lost Sam!" Her voice was rising, chest heaving with her anger. Tears streamed down her face, glittering silver in the moonlight. I felt the first hot tear break free. She turned away and paced toward the window. I watched her and waited.

"What fucks with me the most is that we are all guilty of it." I frowned in a moment of confusion.

"Guilty of what?"

"Of never giving him a simple thank you for everything he has done for us. Of treating him as something... _other._ Like him not being human means he can't feel or..." She made a noise of frustration and turned to look at me again. "Hell, I don't know, Dean! All I know is we treat Cass like shit and he doesn't deserve it." She pointed to my bed. "Why is he not in your bed, Dean? Most lovers sleep in each others bed together. Why does he not sleep next to you?" I stared at the bed where she pointed as if an easy explanation would be waiting there ready for recital.

Guilt washed through me and I didn't have the courage to tell her that I had told Cass that I couldn't do this. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I wanted more than almost anything to go to sleep beside him every night, and because I wanted it so bad I wouldn't allow myself to have it. I couldn't tell her that on average six nights out of every week I woke up crying out his name, that I wanted him so bad my skin ached. Even the fleeting feel of his skin on mine when he was kicking our asses was a small joy. I wanted him. God I wanted him! I wanted him so bad it scared me half to death. I couldn't tell her any of this.

"He doesn't need to sleep, Jo." It sounded lame even to me and her scathing glare made me flinch. I looked away.

"That's bullshit, Dean, and you fucking know it." I did. Pain washed through me and I fought the urge to hug myself.

"What if I let myself love him, Jo? What if I give all I have to give of myself to him and this war takes him right out of my arms?" I shook my head, tears splashing against my chest. "I wouldn't survive that again, Jo. I can't. I don't think-" A sob escaped me and I shoved the back of my hand against my mouth to stifle the noise.

I felt the bed move a second before Jo pulled me against her. I cried and she ran her fingers through my hair, held me, rocked me, made all the soothing noises you are supposed to make when words are no longer sufficient. We ended with my head in her lap, my body curled around hers, arms in a death grip around her waist like she was the last solid thing in a world of water. Her fingers traced across my shoulders, up and down my arms, through my hair and I felt sleep sucking at the edges of my mind. Her body moved and I tensed up, not willing to let her go yet. Her lips were soft against my ear as she whispered to me.

"You already love him, Dean. Right now you are just surviving. Living is going where your heart is." I smiled against the soft flesh of her inner thigh. I don't know how much time had passed but when she finally moved again I was weak with the edge of sleep. Her body peeled away and my eyes flashed open and I grabbed her wrist. I don't know what she saw in my eyes but she offered me a small, beautiful smile.

"Scoot it over, pal." I smiled and moved until I was in the middle of the bed. She crawled across the bed and laid down a handful of inches away facing me. I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her closer until her body was flush with mine. She was tense for a moment and then I felt her relax against me, a small sigh breathing across my chest. I remembered that I was still naked, but she no longer seemed to care so I let the thought drift away.

"Thank you, Jo." She looked up into my eyes and smiled. She used her small hand on my hip as a leverage point to move up a little more, putting her face a couple inches from mine.

"You don't need to thank me, Dean. Just do me a favor?" I nodded and she smiled again, tracing her fingers lightly across the flesh of my hip in mindless patterns. It was comforting. "Don't hurt the man you love anymore. He deserves better than that." Seeing the sincerity in her eyes reminded me of why once upon a time I had been so attracted to her.

I laughed and did something I had not ever allowed myself to do. I kissed her. It was a chaste kiss, just a light brush that proved her lips to be as soft as I'd always imagined. When I pulled away she looked pleasantly surprised and I felt her heart beating slightly faster against my chest. Her face got very serious and she leaned in so that her next words were spoken against my mouth.

"I mean it, Dean." She moved in a little more so that I spoke my response into her mouth.

"I know." Her lips were soft against mine and our mouths lingered against each others but by almost any standard, the kiss remained chaste. She pulled back with such a stunning smile on her face I couldn't help but respond with one of my own. She snuggled down until our bodies molded together, legs and arms intertwined. A feeling of content washed through me and I couldn't say who fell asleep first.

 **A/N- So here it is! A chapter long, long, long overdue. I hope you all liked it, but I will tell you this, there is a huge surprise coming next chapter. ;-D So I will see you then! Ta-ta for now, my loves!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- Hello again, everyone! I am** _ **so very SORRY**_ **for leaving you guys on nearly a six month long cliff-hanger!** **I got really distracted with school work for a while and then I made the huge mistake of watching an anime called Vampire Knight and wound up writing pretty much non-stop as often as I could for a fic I started for** **that. I would apologize for that last bit but, eh, the muses do what they want. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I have gotten into the swing of writing 20,000 word chapters so this one is going to be extra long, which is a bonus since I've neglected it for sooooo very long! Ya'll know if you have any question you can leave them in a PM or review and I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible. Again, sorry for that!** **Now, onwards!**

 **Disclaimer- Intensely graphic violence and sexual content, vulgar language**

 **Ellen's POV**

 **...Four months, two weeks and six days after Sam went nuclear...**

"Dammit! Will someone answer the godforsaken door!?" I stumbled down the stairs, angrily wiping sleep from my eyes.

"Who the hell is it? Do you have any idea how early it is?" I flipped open and untwisted all the locks on the door and had my hand on the knob, twisting the doorknob.

"Ellen! No!" I turned just my head to look at Cass standing on the stairs as the door opened fast under the weight of something heavy. I leapt to the side in time to avoid having the door smash back against my toe and a body fell across my feet. The person was so covered in blood I couldn't tell if it was male or female. Cass was suddenly there. His hands wrapped around my upper arms and he bodily picked me up, twisting me away from the body and setting me down about two feet behind him. He did it so fast that when he let go I stumbled a step before catching myself. He was kneeling next to the body so that his broad shoulders blocked my view of the slight figure bleeding in the threshold. I saw his arm move and he hissed in surprise.

"Oh my god..." There was an edge of something in his voice. I took a step towards him.

"Cass-" He turned just his upper body and held a hand out to me in the universal signal to stop. The blood on his hand was brilliant against his recently tanned flesh.

"Stay back, Ellen." He turned back to the body at his feet and I saw his head shake.

"I can't believe it." He mumbled under his breath.

"Who is it, Cass?" I strained to see around his broad shoulders to no avail.

His upper body dipped down towards the floor and he scooped the body into his arms, standing as if it weighed nothing. He hurried past me leaving a rush of air and a trail of blood behind him. I followed after him at a full out run coming to a screeching halt in the doorway to the kitchen. He swept the counter next to the sink clear with the legs of the person in his arms, sending everything crashing to floor. I cringed as glass broke upon contact, and the metal mixing bowl used in prep for last night's dinner clanged loudly against the floor.

"Ellen I need towels, and first aid materials." He said over his shoulder. I frowned.

"First aide-" he turned and I saw the blood smeared across his bare chest, up his arms, where he had held the body. His eyes were almost frantic.

"NOW!" I didn't question anything else I just hurried around the kitchen and grabbed the first aid kit. I heard the almost fleshy sound of wet cloth tearing and set the things down on the counter on the other side of the sink. He tore the shirt straight down the middle and a pair of breasts were exposed. Long hair covered her face and trailed into the sink and off the counter. Her body jerked as he tore the pants off of her and then she was laid bare on the counter.

"Wet a towel and get a bowl of warm water." I did exactly what he said. He snatched the towel from me and rung it out over the woman then began gently wiping at the blood. He was gentle but thorough. As the blood was wiped away cut after cut was exposed.

"Why don't you just heal her?" He worked his way up the woman's neck, exposing another large gash across her collarbone. He pushed all that bloody hair away from her face and the world swam.

"Oh my god..." I breathed. I grabbed the counter for balance as I stared into the face of a woman we had all presumed dead. Cass grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. I looked up into his face and realized he'd been trying to get my attention for a few moments now.

"Ellen!" He looked my face over and didn't seem to like what he saw. "I need you to stick with me here!" I blinked and looked back at her stretched naked on the counter.

"I thought you said Ruby was dead. Cass, you told us she was dead!" He nodded a jerky, harried motion.

"She was. I would swear any oath you'd wish that she was well and truly dead last I saw her." I gestured to the woman in question lying on the counter.

"Well apparently not!"

"So it would seem. Ellen I need you to help me." I stared at her body sprawled on the counter, blood a candied red coat along her skin, seeping slowly out of the wounds Cass had exposed. I looked back to him and felt my eyes harden as I fell into business mode.

"What do you need me to do." He turned around and grabbed a needle and thread turning around and holding them out to me. I stared at it before taking it then up and him. He shrugged.

"I'm good at many things but I have no talent with a needle. You are very skilled." I nodded and moved towards the woman on the counter. He moved out of my way without a word.

I had a moment to contemplate where in the hell to begin. I ran my eyes over her and found one of the wounds that seemed to be bleeding the most on her lower abdomen. I looked over at Cass who seemed a little out of his element at the moment. I turned back to Ruby and began my work. Some of her wounds were small slices, grazes really, that could be patched up with gauze. Others were giant, gaping mouths that required stitches inside and out. I was working on the gash across her collarbone. It was deep enough that the pinkened pearl of the bone showed through and you could see that the blade she'd been cut with had bitten into it. I took a hissing breath in at how painful that must have been and didn't know what to do about the bone. I ignored it and hoped it would heal on its own without serious repercussions. Cass moved forward and began gingerly running his fingers through all that long, bloody hair, fingers searching. He frowned at something and stepped back, hands covered with enough blood that it looked like he was wearing candied gloves.

"There are three deep wounds on the scalp and the skull is possibly cracked in one place. I'd have to move her more than I'm comfortable with at this moment to actually know." I nodded and continued working on her.

I was finishing up the last of the twenty some odd stitches on the inside of the collarbone wound when her eyes and mouth opened wide and she let out a scream that startled both Cass and I. Her head flailed from side to side as she frantically looked around. She went to sit up and Cass was there, a hand on each shoulder trying to ease her back down. She ignored him and tried to sit up anyway, making it about halfway before groaning and falling back against the counter. She finally saw me standing next to her with the bloody needle in hand and screamed again. Cass was trying to talk to her but she launched herself off the counter knocking us both to the ground. She tried to go for my throat but again Cass was there. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her off me.

"Ruby! Ruby, it's us!" Cass yelled. She screamed again and elbowed him in the side.

I saw movement to the side and sprang to my feet, finding Bobby, Jo and Dean running down the steps. Rufus already stood at the bottom of the stairs with a shotgun in hand, loaded for bear. He seemed confused like he couldn't figure out if there was a target to shoot or not. I looked back to see that Cass had Ruby pinned to his chest with an arm wrapped around her shoulders and a hand in her hair, holding her away from his neck where she was attempting to sink her teeth into his jugular. Her nails cut through the flesh of his back and sides, wherever she could reach, more animal than anything. Blood oozed down her neck and shoulders from her scalp.

"It's me! It's Castiel!" I saw tears running down his face. "Ruby, please! It's me. Don't you remember me!" She slowed for a few seconds and screamed again, but it sounded different, tortured. Dean was moving slowly forward.

"Dean, stay back!" Cass' voice was thick with strain. Ruby suddenly went completely still in Cass' arms and I thought she'd passed out. Cass looked into her face and looked almost scared.

"Dean...?" Ruby's voice when it came was rough, like his name should have cut her throat on the way out. Dean moved forward so that she could see him. He looked scared, angry, confused, disbelieving and underneath it all was something close to longing.

"Ruby?"

"Dean?" He nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, Ruby. It's me. It's Dean." She was quiet for a moment and then her body went limp in Cass' arms. He lifted her in his arms again and laid her back on the counter.

"She tore some of the stitches." I nodded, figuring that would would have happened. He wore her blood down the front of him and I only now noticed that he was wearing only jeans. The top button was undone as if he had thrown them on and run down here, which he probably had.

"You might want to worry about the wounds on her scalp first." I nodded, remembering the blood running down from her scalp where Cass had held her away from him by that fierce grip on her hair.

"I need her to be in a different position and we can't just roll her over. It might rupture more of the stitches." He nodded then seemed to think of something. He grabbed a clean towel and draped it on the front of her body, covering her exposed flesh. Bobby came forward.

"I'll sit her up so you can work." I nodded.

"I can take care of it." Both of them looked at me and Rufus was the one to speak.

"You might want to get yourself patched up, man. You're back looks like it was put up against a shredder."

"I will heal." Cass' voice was somewhat distracted. Bobby gingerly lifted the unconscious Ruby to a sitting position and Cass looked like he might have said something.

"Cass." Dean's voice trembled with some strong emotion that I didn't care to think about. I think we all paused for a moment, held our breaths. "That is Ruby on the counter." The angel nodded and moved slowly toward Dean as if moving too fast might frighten him. "How is she alive?" He took a step away from the slowly advancing angel and Dean's eyes locked on Cass. I saw a glimmer of hope in those surprised eyes that made me wish to be anywhere else. I knew what he was thinking.

"I don't know."

"You said she was dead. Her and Sam died in that church. That was what you told us!" Cass nodded again.

"She did die. I swear to you, the last I saw of her she was-" He stopped and seemed to rethink what he was about to say, or maybe he was fighting off a bad memory. "She was very dead. I would not have left her in that church if she had been alive." He pointed to her on the counter with wide eyes.

"That doesn't look very dead to me, Cass." He stared over at Ruby's limp body all covered in blood and corrected himself. "Well, I mean, she's breathing at least."

"Yes." Cass' voice was empty, very neutral as he tried to keep Dean calm.

"How is she alive, Cass? No one could have survived that explosion." I began working on Ruby, separating all that hair and finding a viscous wound on her scalp. Whatever had happened this particular wound was not caused by a blade. The edges were too jagged.

"I do not know, Dean." His voice held an edge of impatience. Then Dean said the very thing I had been fearing.

"If she survived then maybe Sam is alive." Bobby and I shared a look over Ruby's body and I saw the pain in his eyes. It was going to be a long fucking day.

 **Dean's POV**

"She did not survive, Dean. Trust me. She was very dead _before_ the explosion. After the explosion there would have been nothing left. They were both too close to the source of the blast for any other option to be feasible." I shook my head.

"No! _She_ is alive. We might not know how but she is alive. Sam could be too!" We had been debating the same thing now for the past twenty minutes. Cass heaved a great sigh and turned around to look Ruby over, dismissing my comment. Bobby and Ellen were almost finished sewing her up. She was covered in so many stitched wounds she looked more like Frankenstein's bride than the woman I remembered.

"I do not know how she is alive, Dean. It is a miracle. One that I will ask her to explain when she wakes. But I doubt very strongly that this means Sam is alive."

"How can you say that, Cass?" He shook his head and turned around to face me again.

"One miracle hardly justifies a trend, Dean. Miracles such as this happen so rarely and this _is_ one hell of a miracle." Anger exploded through from my feet up in a scalding wave that gave the world a crystal edge.

"You saw that she was dead before the explosion, right?" My voice was squeezed tight with rage.

"I have said as much."

"And here she is. Sam was alive last you saw him."

"He was dying. I would not say he was alive per se." I ignored him.

"That means he stands an even greater chance of being alive." He shook his head and his eyes looked weary as he looked at me.

"I do not think so."

"WHY?!" It exploded out of me and my chest heaved with my anger, my legs shaking with the force of will I was using to keep me standing in that one spot and not advancing on him. Jo held her hand out like she would touch me then seemed to think better of it and took a small step back, hand dropping back to her side.

"I just do not think it possible, Dean. If you had seen-"

"I think you just don't _want_ it to be true, not that it isn't true." The words fell between us like a grenade without the pin. I waited for the explosion. Everyone was so quiet. I don't think anyone except me was even breathing. The fast, heavy rhythm of my breathing was so loud in the silence that I almost held my breath. Cass was so pissed I almost felt his rage like a hot, vibrating thing pulsing against my skin. He turned away from me, dismissing me once again and my anger spiked higher.

"That's it isn't it! You are so mad because I outed you! You bastard!" I took a step towards him and without being able to see me he did the same thing.

"How dare you." His voice was tight and low with his anger, a bass rumble that I felt in my chest. Each word was clipped, an exercise in self-restraint. A harsh, cold laugh fell from my lips and I watched Cass actually physically begin to shake with rage. I opened my mouth to say something else but Jo stepped up into my face.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up!" She all but spit the words in my face. Her eyes were livid, her slender body quaking with anger. I ignored her and looked at Cass who was still not looking at me.

"You can't even look the truth in the face!" The words were nasty, but Cass never had time to react. A small sledgehammer plowed into the side of my face and I was suddenly looking up at Jo from the floor.

"I _said_! Shut. The. Fuck. Up. You, Prick!" I stared at her in some combination between shock and anger. I made to get to my feet but her voice stopped me. "If you get up right now I promise there will be no power in heaven or hell that will keep me from fucking your shit up." The words were cold with an icy certainty. Anger flared through me again and I got to my knees.

I had enough time to feel the air shift, knew she was coming and still didn't have the time to move. Her hand palmed the back of my head and she brought her knee up while yanking my head into the impact of it, once, twice in rapid succession. I blinked up at the ceiling for a few moments and felt blood trickle in trails down the side of my face. I finally looked up and saw her like an avenging angel, ready for me to do anything, anything at all.

"Get up. I dare you." I stayed right where I was. I saw Bobby and Ellen glaring holes through me from where they had been working on Ruby. Cass still wasn't looking at me. I let my head drop back onto the floor and felt blood oozing down the back of my throat. I just knew she had broken my nose and I couldn't help but think that I deserved so much worse.

"May I sit up?"

"Why?"

"I'm pretty sure you broke my nose. I really don't want to choke on my own blood."

"No. Turn your head to the side. If you sit up I can't promise I wouldn't hit you again." I turned my head to the side and drowned in my regret instead. I shouldn't have said that. Why had I said that?

 **Castiel's POV**

I very carefully kept my gaze trained on Ellen and Bobby as they worked on Ruby. I tried to ignore everything but them. Even when Jo had come to my defense and put Dean on his ass and then his back I hadn't moved. I didn't, couldn't, look at him right now. How could he say those things to me? How could he think I didn't want Sam to be alive? With a final snip Ellen turned to me and smiled, placing the scissors on the counter on the other side of the sink.

"All done. She's patched up but she's lost quite a bit of blood." I nodded. I came forward and slid my arms underneath her shoulders and the bend of her legs, lifting her until her body was cradled against my chest.

"What are you doing, cuddles?" I smiled just a little at the nickname.

"I need a bath." She nodded and smiled.

"Yeah. You do." She gestured at the limp body of the woman in my arms with an inclination of her head. "What about her."

" _She_ definitely needs a bath before she lays in any bed." She nodded.

"You need any help?"

"No. I think I got it from here. Thanks, Ellen." I looked at Bobby and bowed my head in acknowledgment. "Thank you, Bobby."

"No problem. Call if you need one of us." I nodded again and turned to go upstairs. I saw Dean laying on the floor, head turned to the side, a puddle of blood forming under his cheek. Rufus sat on the couch with his shotgun in his lap watching everything. Jo was watching Dean, pissed beyond any connotation of the word. I stopped next to her and bent to place a kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you." I breathed against her skin. She smiled at me before returning the kiss and her eyes sparkled with it like they were saying louder than any words, _you're welcome._ I turned to make my way towards the stairs.

"You're going to take a bath with her?" Dean's voice was thick and throaty with all the blood in his sinuses. I heard Jo tell him to shut up again. I didn't even break stride.

"Yes." I called over my shoulder.

When I made it to the bathroom I found that I probably should have accepted Ellen's offer for help. I couldn't figure out how to get the bath running with Ruby in my arms. I finally wound up sitting on the edge of the claw foot tub and leaning over, curling as much of her against my chest and one arm as I could. I sat her in the tub and swiftly removed my jeans, sliding in behind her as the almost too warm water filled the tub. I cradled her limp body against mine, smoothing the bloody locks of hair back from her face. I shut the water off and leaned back, watching the blood on our bodies curl through the water in pink swirls. I leaned her head back so that her hair was submerged in the water and stared at the dark red of the blood disperse into a pink-red dye in the once clean water. I gingerly ran my fingers along her scalp and through her long hair, trying to get as much blood off as possible. I didn't want to use soap because that might be painful, even in this comatose state, and I hadn't even the faintest clue how to hold her out of the water while soaping up all those incredibly long tresses.

I had to run two more baths before she and I were as clean as we could get at the moment. I laid my head back against the edge of the tub and just allowed the warmth of the water to soothe me. I idly ran my fingers up and down her arm and did something I rarely had occasion to do. I let go of my grace. It took a few minutes for it to climb over and around her body, she was a demon it broke pretty much every rule I knew for us to be sitting cuddled naked in a tub together. Even if I personally did not have any qualms with it, metaphysics were a different matter. Angels and demons for obvious reasons were never meant to be this intimate. When it finally engulfed her a soft sigh escaped her lips and she snuggled her head against my chest. I sighed and let my head go back again as the high came. Doing this always gave me a full body equivalent of a head rush that zipped through me with every one of her heartbeats. The rhythm of her heart lulled me into a hypnotic state so that all I could feel was her body against mine. A soft knock came and I cracked my eyes open.

"It's Ellen. Can I come in for a minute?"

"Yes, you may enter." My voice came slow and lazy with a drugged edge. I wasn't sure how much time had passed and it wasn't until I shifted my leg up to be sure I was covered from view that I realized how cool the water was. The door opened and Ellen entered with towels in her hand, closing the door behind her. She sat on the closed lid of the toilet and looked at me.

"What is the matter, Ellen?" She frowned and then smiled.

"Are you high? You sound high." I grinned and allowed my eyes to slide shut again, finding it difficult to keep them open.

"Yes." She laughed.

"How are you high?"

"I am healing her."

"And that makes you feel high?"

"Yes."

"Why?" I frowned. I always did hate trying to explain metaphysical things to those who cannot experience them. It is like attempting to explain to those who cannot fly what it feels like. They will never truly know because they cannot feel it themselves. I still made an attempt.

"When I share my grace I link my vitality to that of the one I share it with. Since I am immortal unless killed and heal almost any damage very rapidly that means sharing my abilities, combining my strength with whatever they might already have. It allows me to heal others."

"Wait, so you link your life to someone else and visa versa?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Do you get anything out of it?"

"Yes. It is a sharing of vitality. It heals me as much as the other and I do not know why, I have always puzzled over this, maybe it is simply the magic itself, but it provides a very hypnotic calm, a weightlessness and peace that is very much like a drug."

"Wow. Does it do anything else?" I frowned.

"I can, when joined like this, share or receive memories. It is as if I am experiencing the other persons memory, emotions, everything like it is me. It is very...intense."

"Do you feel their pain?" It was a very good question.

"It is possible. If a pain is great enough and my grace does not calm them I can sort of siphon the pain into myself." My frown deepened in confusion. "Though I cannot give anyone else my pain. I find that most confusing. Maybe it is because it is my magic? I do not know."

"Huh. Cool!" She sounded as if she truly meant it. I rolled my head until I could easily see her. She looked genuinely interested. She suddenly grinned.

"Sounds like a hell of a sexual experience." I chuckled softly.

"I wouldn't know. I've only recently had sex."

"Well you've got plenty of time to experiment."

"I do not think my grace was ever meant to be used for such purposes."

"And I don't think cars were made to be used as murder weapons but they sure as hell are. If you're gonna be a rebel you may as well enjoy the perks." I couldn't fight off the grin that stretched my lips.

"You are quite the devil's advocate. Anyone ever tell you that?" She laughed.

"Persuasive, conniving or devious bitch is usually the title. But I think I like the sound of devil's advocate better." We both laughed and Ruby groaned, settling against me a little more soundly.

I ran my hand down her side to comfort her and got the dim echo of it myself. The water was cold now, our bodies the only thing warming it. I contemplated getting out of the tub and couldn't think of a way that didn't involve the help of another person. I sighed and pulled the plug out of the drain. While the water swirled away into oblivion I drew my grace back into me. It receded faster than it had gone and Ruby made a noise of protest as the last of it came back to me. As the last of the water slipped away so did the high that came with sharing my grace.

"Will you help me with her?"

"Sure." She stood with a towel in one hand, leaving the other on the toilet lid. I stood with Ruby in my arms, ignoring the fact that I was fully exposed to Ellen. With the exception of a slight widening of her eyes she did a good job of ignoring my nudity. I eased Ruby's lower half to the floor She she was upright.

"Can you hold her?"

"It would have been easier if you would have just handed her to me but yeah. I can hold her."

I passed Ruby as gently as I could to Ellen and still she made a small pain noise. I quickly wrapped the towel on the toilet seat around my hips and took the one from Ellen's hand, beginning to dry the back of Ruby's body. I dried my chest, stomach and arms before folding Ruby's body back against mine.

"You're not sharing your grace with her right now are you?"

"No. I couldn't risk it spreading to you. It can be difficult to control sometimes. And I was not touching her when I dried off and covered myself. I am unsure what that might have done." She nodded as if she understood perfectly. I went to move toward the door and stopped, turning to face Ellen again.

"What did you originally come in here for, Ellen."

"One reason was to give you the towels and check on you. The other is no longer worth mentioning." She frowned when she said the last. I didn't argue. I just nodded and made my way out of the bathroom to my room.

"You need any more help?"

"I do not think so. If I do I will call for you."

"Alright. I'll check on you two in a little while." I nodded and found myself alone in the confines of my room.

Even though I did not sleep Jo had made the case that I still needed a space to call my own. I laid Ruby on her back on my bed, wiping the water from her skin, gently so as not to cause her pain. When she was as dry as I could get her I decided that her right side was the less injured of the two. Since My bed was against the wall this put me facing her when I laid next to her. I slid my body up against hers and once again let go of my grace. It crept along her body like a gelatinous thing until it fully coated her. We both sighed as we linked together and she slung her arm across my hip, snuggling closer to my body until her breath danced across my chest, her breasts pressed into me and the supple thickness of her thighs and hips molded against me in a long line. I shuddered and trailed my finger down her spine, closing my eyes at the shadow of the feeling tickling down my own. She made a cooing noise and I fell still against her, so as not to disturb her further. The high swept over me in a rush of pleasure and I bit my lip.

When I had wrapped Dean _and_ Jo in my grace I had not felt this high. The only time I had ever felt this particular high was the one other time I had healed Ruby. This high was slightly less since I had Dean with me the last time, but it was still more potent a high than the two humans together. It had to be something about her being a demon. At least I knew she was still a demon. If she had been mortal the high would not be so powerful.

I allowed the rhythm of her body to lull me into a state of pseudo-sleep and I had no idea how many hours passed like that. The hustle and bustle, tell-tale sounds and smells of cleaning assaulted me for what felt like an incredibly long time. Someone cracked the door and peeked in at one point, probably Ellen. I smelled food being cooked, heard several people shower. The door opened and closed a handful of times downstairs. Dean's Impala roared away and back twice. The sun set. The sun peeked through the dingy lace curtains. I made a promise to myself to replace the ugly things for something more aesthetically pleasing, maybe something that blocks the sun a little more. I heard the sounds of people moving around again. More food being cooked. Then the sounds of hammers. They were fixing something. I heard the sounds of the Impala again, coming and going. Midday came and went before someone softly knocked at the door.

Jo entered. Asked me if Ruby had woken up at all and if she could get me anything. I said no to both and we exchanged some small talk about what they had been doing. She made a joke about how she appreciated the break from all the ass whoopings I had been throwing at them and how dead people should show up at the door more often. We laughed and she left with the excuse of helping Ellen decide what beer to get at the store before her mom made an undoubtedly horrible, unguided decision. Apparently Jo liked IPAs and Ellen liked sweeter, slightly fruity beers, which according to her was for lightweight, "girl-drink drunks". The sun set. More food was made. The house was quiet for a while before I heard the tell-tale raucous noises of drinking and games below. Dean stumbled down the hallway at a point late in the evening. Rufus came to the rescue telling a very drunk Dean he could damn well wait to apologize for being a dick until he was sober. They both retreated back downstairs.

The house fell quiet, a couple people actually made it back to their rooms but I was betting the other two had passed out downstairs. I was thinking about everything that had happened in such a short span of time, but mostly I was thinking about Dean. I thought about him more and more often lately. Suddenly I heard Ruby's breathing change. She huffed lightly and for the first time in what had to of been three days or more I felt her muscles tense and flex on their own, her leg moving marginally against mine. Her external wounds were all completely healed by this point, had been since little before sunrise this morning. I was very still against her, not wanting to spook her again. She rolled onto her back and stretched languorously, the sheet slipping down around her hips so that when she arched her back and let out a moan of pleasure the perfectly round fullness of her breasts thrust up to the ceiling, putting her right nipple so close to my face I could have licked it if I wanted. The thought was so uncharacteristic that I closed my eyes for a moment, only opening them when she no longer moved. I found Ruby staring at me curiously.

"Who are you, angel?" At least she knew what I was but however she had gotten here it was pretty evident that she was suffering from some bout of amnesia. Hopefully it wasn't permanent.

"You do not remember me? I am Castiel. I have healed you once before." She frowned.

"But you are an angel." I nodded.

"Yes. I am also a friend of Dean Winchester and _was_ friends with Sam Winchester." Her eyes watered and she looked away. My heart skipped a beat at her reaction to Sam's name and I gently gripped her chin between my thumb and forefinger, turning her head so that I could see her face.

"Why do you cry at the mention of Sam? Is he okay?" I cringed internally at the question. He was dead. Of course he wasn't okay. Then it dawned on me, why would Ruby know anything about Sam? Maybe he was the only thing she remembered? I did not doubt that she had loved Sam. So maybe his name and memory hurt her just as it did the rest of us? I would have been willing to accept any of those explanations if Ruby's eyes didn't look haunted.

"Ruby, what happened to Sam." She was quiet for a moment and she swallowed hard.

"He is the reason I am here." What? How? I felt my eyes widen.

"How could Sam have helped you get here if he is in heaven." She shook her head.

"Because he's not in heaven." An icy cold flowed through my veins and I just couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"It's impossible. Sam should have a cemented place in heaven." The disbelief was thick in my voice. She nodded.

"Yes, and he would have too if the king of hell had not prevented his ascension to heaven." My eyes bugged as the blood in my veins boiled with the heat of my fury. How dare he!

"Why would he do such a thing? You have been with Sam this whole time?" She shook her head.

"It took me twenty-six years to find him." I frowned.

"Why?" She sighed and sat up, moving so that she could put her back to the wall.

"If you are really an angel then you should know where we supernatural creatures go when we die." My frown deepened and she shook her head. "Geeze...when did I become the Sunday school instructor for an angel?" She tried to run her fingers through her hair but stopped when the knots were too thick to continue. "Purgatory. I was in purgatory."

"Then how'd you get to hell?" She grinned.

"I did some very bad things to a very crooked reaper, tortured the right monsters and got information that led me to a back door into hell."

"Why would you want to get _into_ hell?" Her eyes went cold and distant with memory.

"If you knew what purgatory was like you'd want to get out too, even if it meant you only switched from one nightmare to another." She shrugged after a moment of silence and smirked slightly. "Besides...I _am_ a demon. If I could get into hell I was more likely to find my way out. It's not like it would be the first time I'd done it." That sounded so reasonable that I felt about ten IQ points less intelligent just for asking. Hope lit through me like a bolt of lightning suddenly.

"If you got out then we can get in. We can get Sam out too." Her face went blank and she looked away and since she was still wrapped in my grace I could feel the weight of her dismay in my chest like an anvil was crushing my lungs.

"It's not possible."

"Why not?" She thumped her head back into the wall and spoke softly with her eyes closed.

"Because the back door to hell can only be found in Purgatory and only monsters go to purgatory. You are an angel and I'm not quite sure where you angelic lot go when you die but if you went to purgatory I'm pretty sure I would have run in to at least one of you during my time there." I frowned and cocked my head to the side. I'd never thought about it but now that she mentioned it, I didn't really know where angels went when they died. If not purgatory then where did they go?

"What about Dean?" She scoffed and looked at me as if I were stupid.

"Don't be ridiculous. He is human." Yeah...once again I felt stupid. Then I had a thought.

"We know how to cure vampirism. What if he turned into a vampire and he got in that way and we cured him when he got out." She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling as if seriously contemplating it, her eyebrows furrowing as if she had to focus on concentrating.

"It's not a completely dip-shit idea but you'd have to be willing to kill Dean and I'm not sure if he'd be able to not feed while down there. Again, I don't know for sure but it's possible that feeding there would cement him as a vampire and the cure would be useless. And even if he didn't feed, by some miracle, there is no certainty that he would be able to get out anyway." My whole body slumped as a wave of resignation and disappointment drowned me.

"Why am I even telling you any of this? I don't really remember you, so why do I feel so comfortable and chatty?" I smiled slightly but it felt hollow.

"You were grievously wounded when you came to us. I wrapped you in my grace to heal you and it has a sort of drugging effect." She giggled quietly and rolled her head back and forth against the wall.

"Finally, a pleasant side-effect to magic. Cool." She grinned lazily and sighed.

"You are healed. I can remove it now if you wish." She shook her head a little too fast. And It was my turn to sigh.

"For the first time in what feels like forever I feel amazing. It feels so good. Please. Don't. Not yet." Even with her eyes closed I could see the pain of memories flit over her face in the small lines etched in her expressions. I couldn't imagine what she had gone through, what Sam was still going through. I saw a flash of the hope lighting Dean's face when Ruby had reappeared, heard in my head the lilt of it in his voice and my heart suddenly sank at the prospect of telling him once again that there was no way of saving Sam. I sighed deeply and simply relaxed against the bed, basking in the high of the moment. I think maybe I enjoyed the healing process a bit too much because I found myself thanking Ruby for not wanting to end the high either.

"You're an angel." I smiled and responded without opening my eyes, which had slid shut.

"You're a demon."

"Exactly. So, why aren't you killing me?" I rolled my head to look at her and offered her a mild grin.

"I could ask you the same thing. Do you often wake up beside angels you're unfamiliar with after breaking out of hell? You seem pretty well adjusted given the circumstances." She scoffed.

"After the vacation I had down under this shit is a cake walk." I wasn't sure I believed her. I knew what something like that could do to someone's mind. I had seen it with both of the boys. You didn't have to go to hell to have nightmares. There was plenty of source material right here among the humans. If I had the need for sleep I might be terrified of doing so with the never-ending story of shit I had seen. A silence fell over us, a silence shared between two warriors. There is an ocean of shit in this world of ours, a bottomless, fathomless abyss that most people are never cursed to know shit about. This peace between the two of us was derived from the shared horror of having stared that abyss down and occasionally drowning in it's depths. No one could ever call us anything but warriors because that was exactly what we were.

"You're old aren't you?" She was quiet for a moment, waiting for my answer. When I took too long she simply charged forward. "Yeah. I thought so. I bet you've seen a lot of shit haven't you? Things even I could only guess at." I stared at her and the honey of her eyes bored into mine. She smiled sadly and nodded. "Yeah. I can see it right there." She gestured vaguely at my face. "In your eyes. It's like a stain. A taint or...a darkness. Whatever it is. You have it." She seemed content to sit there and stare at me until I finally spoke, slowly, every word very carefully chosen.

"Yes. I have seen a great many things." I wondered where she was going with this line of conversation. She chuckled as if saying, _I didn't need you to confirm what I already knew._

"I'd bet you've never seen chaos like what's going on in the pit right now." I frowned as my muscles began to tense.

"What are you talking about?" She looked away and I watched one silent tear carve a crystalline trail down the creamy expanse of her skin.

"Sam." It sounded as if just saying his name hurt her and my breath grew short as the feeling of her misery tugged at my heart. Tears of my own burned at my eyes and it felt like something large was chewing me up inside. I gasped sharply and sat up suddenly. She watched me but never moved. I closed my eyes and began to call my grace back into me. She shivered as the last of it left her and groaned, hand going to her chest in a nearly subconscious gesture.

"You wouldn't believe what it is like down there now."

"What has happened, Ruby?"

"It's angels, demons and desperate souls. It's slaughter, chaos in the rawest possible form." I swallowed hard a couple of times.

"Why?" She laughed, a harsh sound that ended in a choked sob.

"Because of him. They all want him.

"Why, Ruby?" She fell silent and my heart kicked me in the lungs while I waited for her answer. "Ruby!" She looked at me again, tears slipping down her face as if squeezed out under too much pressure.

"Ruby? What is happening to Sam?" She just stared at me.

"Yes, Ruby. What is happening to my brother while you sit here and flap your damn jaws?" We both jumped and I turned to see Dean standing in the open doorway with a plate in one hand and a glass in the other. His eyes burned with a cold, deadly rage. Ruby answered him and I wished she wouldn't have.

"He's being hunted. They all want him. Every soul in hell is scouring the darkest recesses for Sam."

"Why?"

"You _do_ know what he is, right?"

"I know he's my brother and he's in trouble. That's all that matters. Now start talking-" She did something that silenced him and put a deep furrow between his eyebrows.

"Hold the threats, pretty boy. I've _been_ talking. You just been off playing Betty Crocker." He scowled down at the plate in his hand then glared up at her.

"Just tell me what the fuck is going on with my brother!"

"He's the vessel. The angels want him and don't care how many they lose, and trust me the number is pretty up there, or what they have to do. Crowley wants him-"

"Who's Crowley?" I already knew the answer thanks to Dean's summoning foray a couple months back but I had to play as if I didn't. She rolled her eyes at me and gave me a look I could only describe as disgusted.

"The king of Hell? Try to keep up with your politics, boys. Seriously! In your line of work I'd figure that type of info would make it into your weekly newsletter." She shook her head.

"Why does Crowley want Sam?"

"Did you miss the part where I said Sam is the vessel? He _is_ your brother so I thought you would have figured _this_ part out at least." I turned to look at Dean to see if this rung any bells for him and found his face reflecting the confusion I'd preserved for so long.

"Sam is _the_ vessel. You know, the cow Lucifer is supposed to jump over the moon on?"

"Sam is Lucifer's vessel?" She cocked her head and rolled her eyes over to me.

"Been coveting the goods have we, angel?" Dean glared at me.

"You knew." I sighed at the accusation I heard in his voice and nodded.

"Yes."

"And you didn't tell me, why?" His voice was rising in anger.

"There are some things that are above my pay-grade. Well... _was_ above my pay-grade."

" _Was?_ " Ruby sounded amused. I looked at the floor and nodded. Shame washing over me.

"Yes. Was. I have...what's the phrase? Fallen from grace?" She laughed and I cringed inside. I don't think that I could call myself a part of the heavenly host anymore. Not with everything I had done, the blasphemous things I have done, said, some I've even enjoyed.

"Okay. I kind of like it."

"I suppose it's good that at least someone does."

"Can we get back to Sam and the fact that you knew this whole fucking time?!" Dean was pissed now.

"I did not know he was in Hell. I swear! I only recently figured out that the birth of you and Sam was not accidental. Heaven took great measures to ensure you both came to be here because you are the descendents of Cain and Abel, destined to be the true vessels for the final battle between good and evil." Dean opened his mouth then closed it several times like a fish out of water and then I watched his face twist up into something like outrage, confusion and pure disbelief.

"So you're saying that we were born to destroy each other?"

"And a sizable portion of the world too. Let's not forget that little detail." The sarcasm in Ruby's voice was enough to make both Dean and I look at her. She threw her hands up in the air and shrugged. "I'm just saying."

"Why don't you say something useful."

"I was but I have to keep stopping to school you." He rolled his eyes and she ignored him by continuing. "All I know is that the angels have been tearing up hell on orders from on high to raise Sam from perdition to take his role as Lucifer's vessel. Lucifer has issued similar orders to anyone who will follow him, which is a huge bulk of the demons. Crowley is also hunting Sam. I think he only wants Sam for one of two reasons: one, he plans on using Sam as a bargaining chip or two, he simply wants Sam to get the fuck out of his domain before there's nothing _left_ to rule over. And as near as I can tell none of them care who they have to kill. It's total fucking anarchy."

"But he was alive wasn't he? The last you saw him he was-...Sam was alive, right?" There was a slightly desperate tremor to his words and the inner me cringed hard enough to make my eye twitch.

"Yeah...If you can classify fighting through hell as living then I guess he was."

"Then we can save him. We'll find a way to get him out." A giant iceberg dropped into the pit of my stomach and I physically shivered. Not again. We had just gotten him to back off with this shit. Ruby watched him for a long minute and I could see her contemplate it. She finally moved forward on the bed and offered her hand to him. He stared down at her hand for a second then locked his eyes with hers.

"What is this?"

"This is me offering you my help, dip-shit. I want to help you get Sam out of there."

"You want to be his ally." I said aloud as I processed what was going on here.

"No, Castiel. I'm waiting for him to give me his hand because I'm a secret operative sent under Crowley's orders to kill the Michael Sword and I'm going to break his fucking neck." The two of us stared at her for a moment, waiting, I guess, for whatever came next but Ruby just laughed to the point where she was crying, doubled over laughing, completely naked and unaware of how contagious her laugh was. I found myself smiling but Dean wasn't.

"Why do you want to help me." She was suddenly pissed and was next to Dean on the floor in a movement that was nearly a blur.

"I fucking died for you assholes. I had to leave behind the man I love buried up to his nose and drowning in death, blood and destruction. You don't know what it's like down there. I was with Sam for twenty years, fighting with him. I know what the fuck he's living every day and I want to save him the way he saved me. That's it and that's all. If that doesn't prove I'm team Sam I'm not sure anything will."

Dean looked away from her and I heard his breathing increase and his heart race a second before I smelled the salty tell of tears. He held his hand out and she lifted her hand again and slapped her hand into his, pulling him to her. She wrapped him in her arms with zero regard to her nudity and planted a kiss on his mouth. Dean was stiff for a moment but he didn't throw her off. No, instead I watched him slowly close his arms around her as he began to kiss her back. Rage and jealousy flared through me and I simmered as I watched their mouth's dance together as if this weren't the first time. There was a chemistry to the closeness of their embrace and the intimacy of the kiss that spoke of passion shared. How had I missed a union between Dean and Ruby? Right around the time they both began throwing some more body language into it and I would have protested Ruby broke the kiss. She pulled away from him and rolled off the bed sauntering her way across the floor a few steps before spinning around to face Dean and I, who were both watching every move she made.

"Where are my clothes?" I had no idea.

"Ellen." Dean's voice cracked a bit. He cleared it a few times and swallowed thrice, licking his lips before he spoke again. "Ellen's room."

"Ah. It's okay. I'll find it." She whirled and waltzed out of the room nude as a new born babe, without as much as a care in the world. Dean and I both stared at the doorway where she'd disappeared and I was the one to look away first. He was still sprawled on the bed where Ruby had left him and I couldn't stand it. I turned and walked out of the room.

"Cass?" I just kept walking.

"Cass?!" He was walking after me. "Where are you going? What's the matter with you?" I rounded the next corner and began to jog. I just needed away from all of this right now, but especially Dean.

"Cass!" I ignored him and heard him growl out, "Dammit, Cass!" His pace picked up and I suddenly remembered I could fly. I spread my wings and the backlash from the force as I projected myself forward blew Dean's hair back from his face. The last thing I heard was Dean shouting my name followed by a string of very colorful vulgarities.

I cleared the house and threw myself into the clouds, hurtling away as fast as my wings could carry me. The house and salvage yard grew tiny beneath me and my heart was jumping around all odd-like in my chest as if playing double-dutch against my ribs or something. I never heard or saw anything coming, never felt them.

A shadow passed above and I looked up in time to see a hail of spears and flaming, celestial bronze arrows. I screamed not out fear for my life, but because once again I would not be there to save Dean. Two arrows buried themselves in me, a dozen or so ripped through my wings followed by a spear through my left wing and one through the right side of my chest before I began to fall. Still it all rained down on my as I fell, spiraling and twisting through the air as I tried to learn how to breathe around the spear in my chest. They had no idea what was coming for them.

 **A/N- Alright guys so here it is! Again, I'm really sorry it took me this long to update. I am hoping to be updating this story more frequently for a while, so I look forward to hearing from you all! Thank you, Kobby as always for your diligence and dedication to this story! ;-D**


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